Major life update
Jul. 25th, 2004 01:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
johnpalmerPagan stuff follows, in case you want to skip it...
So... today probably isn't the best day to talk about this (what with post-ritual letdown hanging on) (though that seems to have changed -jp), but I don't see that I want to put it off. I'm torn between thinking I shouldn't say anything because this is personal, if I shouldn't say anything because this is sacred, if I should be sending out engraved invitations to a major bash, or just shoot off flares and shout it from the rooftops.
A lot of Wiccan traditions emphasize initiation; to them, a witch is a person who has been initiated. But, I don't yet have a "tradition", per se, and I don't know if I want, or need, a title. I mean, I am who and what I am; "John the witch" is no more or less than "John, that long haired weirdo", or even just "John Palmer".
But things have been changing.
I've had visions of the bear, the wolf, and the raven calling to me. I've done works of magic that surprised me with the power I felt from them. I've done things I've seen described, and realize that they have meaning... even if they're not the "right" meaning. I've felt draw the study the aspect of the god in Kokopelli; I've felt drawn to Athena as the goddess. (Given that I had refused to give my lord and lady names beyond "lord and lady", this is a very interesting development)
I've felt a desire, a hunger, a feeling of a path ripe for the walking. I've had visions... imaginings, but with a ring of truth to them.
"I am the god, the warrior, and I'm here to bring vengeance. But know this: my anger is not just the wrongs you have done, nor the harm you have wrought. My anger is also that I must come and give chase, and then battle, for protection, knowing that this will not heal the wrongs you have done. The healing, the nurturing, the rebuilding that I might do is denied me, because you needed to be stopped. My anger at your wrongs is cold, but my anger at this pain, of knowing that I can bring only injury when healing is what is needed, is a burning flame that will consume you utterly."
Because the god, in warrior aspect, might be savage, and feel the joy we can't help but feel in terribly fought battles from which we emerge victorious, but he also knows that it is not battle that heals the wounds, nor battle that sows happiness, or content. If a warrior is just, he must always yearn for peace, while never turning from his duties to bring about peace and justice.
I am changing; and, on my own, wish to acknowledge the changes that have occurred and will occur.
So I will be celebrating my re-birth, the changing of the man I was once, into the person I am becoming.
And what better day for rebirth than the day of my birth?
Especially since the day has been turned into a terrible thing, in so many ways.
This September 11th, on the Oregon coast, I will be undergoing, or perhaps merely acknowledging, this transformation.
Those of you who've been in the Craft long enough may now chuckle indulgently or laugh happily, at my enthusiasm :-). But I'd nevertheless like to invite everyone to join me, in whatever way you wish, in some kind of celebration of, and desire for, rebirth. I think that the world could use all the rebirth it can get on that day.
If anyone has some suggestions for ritual, etc., I'd love to hear them.
I'm still trying to decide on a craft name (or whether it's just "John", or, perhaps, "John, that long haired weirdo" :-) )... and it's the silliest thing, but the only thing that comes to mind is a name I chose as a joke a long time ago... Crazyman.
A man who sees things he has no business seeing, who feels and understands things he has no business feeling, nor understanding, a person who occasionally feels driven to the brink of madness, but who brings back sanity from there.
I don't know... it doesn't flow too terribly well. I might look for another name that ends up saying/meaning the same thing.
So... today probably isn't the best day to talk about this (what with post-ritual letdown hanging on) (though that seems to have changed -jp), but I don't see that I want to put it off. I'm torn between thinking I shouldn't say anything because this is personal, if I shouldn't say anything because this is sacred, if I should be sending out engraved invitations to a major bash, or just shoot off flares and shout it from the rooftops.
A lot of Wiccan traditions emphasize initiation; to them, a witch is a person who has been initiated. But, I don't yet have a "tradition", per se, and I don't know if I want, or need, a title. I mean, I am who and what I am; "John the witch" is no more or less than "John, that long haired weirdo", or even just "John Palmer".
But things have been changing.
I've had visions of the bear, the wolf, and the raven calling to me. I've done works of magic that surprised me with the power I felt from them. I've done things I've seen described, and realize that they have meaning... even if they're not the "right" meaning. I've felt draw the study the aspect of the god in Kokopelli; I've felt drawn to Athena as the goddess. (Given that I had refused to give my lord and lady names beyond "lord and lady", this is a very interesting development)
I've felt a desire, a hunger, a feeling of a path ripe for the walking. I've had visions... imaginings, but with a ring of truth to them.
"I am the god, the warrior, and I'm here to bring vengeance. But know this: my anger is not just the wrongs you have done, nor the harm you have wrought. My anger is also that I must come and give chase, and then battle, for protection, knowing that this will not heal the wrongs you have done. The healing, the nurturing, the rebuilding that I might do is denied me, because you needed to be stopped. My anger at your wrongs is cold, but my anger at this pain, of knowing that I can bring only injury when healing is what is needed, is a burning flame that will consume you utterly."
Because the god, in warrior aspect, might be savage, and feel the joy we can't help but feel in terribly fought battles from which we emerge victorious, but he also knows that it is not battle that heals the wounds, nor battle that sows happiness, or content. If a warrior is just, he must always yearn for peace, while never turning from his duties to bring about peace and justice.
I am changing; and, on my own, wish to acknowledge the changes that have occurred and will occur.
So I will be celebrating my re-birth, the changing of the man I was once, into the person I am becoming.
And what better day for rebirth than the day of my birth?
Especially since the day has been turned into a terrible thing, in so many ways.
This September 11th, on the Oregon coast, I will be undergoing, or perhaps merely acknowledging, this transformation.
Those of you who've been in the Craft long enough may now chuckle indulgently or laugh happily, at my enthusiasm :-). But I'd nevertheless like to invite everyone to join me, in whatever way you wish, in some kind of celebration of, and desire for, rebirth. I think that the world could use all the rebirth it can get on that day.
If anyone has some suggestions for ritual, etc., I'd love to hear them.
I'm still trying to decide on a craft name (or whether it's just "John", or, perhaps, "John, that long haired weirdo" :-) )... and it's the silliest thing, but the only thing that comes to mind is a name I chose as a joke a long time ago... Crazyman.
A man who sees things he has no business seeing, who feels and understands things he has no business feeling, nor understanding, a person who occasionally feels driven to the brink of madness, but who brings back sanity from there.
I don't know... it doesn't flow too terribly well. I might look for another name that ends up saying/meaning the same thing.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-07-26 11:58 pm (UTC)Please forgive me if I overstep, but I see what you are doing in the Craft as very similar to what I am doing in therapy: (re)defining your Self. Given that sense of parallelism, I would no more attempt to suggest a name to you than I would ask another to name me.
I wish us both well in our journeys!
no subject
Date: 2004-07-28 06:25 pm (UTC)Plus, it's not just names... it's elements of ritual that I might incorporate; if you'd heard of a beautiful ritual that you wanted to share, for example, I might want to look at it and see what speaks to me, if anything.