Major life update

[johnpalmer]

Pagan stuff follows, in case you want to skip it...


So... today probably isn't the best day to talk about this (what with post-ritual letdown hanging on) (though that seems to have changed -jp), but I don't see that I want to put it off. I'm torn between thinking I shouldn't say anything because this is personal, if I shouldn't say anything because this is sacred, if I should be sending out engraved invitations to a major bash, or just shoot off flares and shout it from the rooftops.

A lot of Wiccan traditions emphasize initiation; to them, a witch is a person who has been initiated. But, I don't yet have a "tradition", per se, and I don't know if I want, or need, a title. I mean, I am who and what I am; "John the witch" is no more or less than "John, that long haired weirdo", or even just "John Palmer".

But things have been changing.

I've had visions of the bear, the wolf, and the raven calling to me. I've done works of magic that surprised me with the power I felt from them. I've done things I've seen described, and realize that they have meaning... even if they're not the "right" meaning. I've felt draw the study the aspect of the god in Kokopelli; I've felt drawn to Athena as the goddess. (Given that I had refused to give my lord and lady names beyond "lord and lady", this is a very interesting development)

I've felt a desire, a hunger, a feeling of a path ripe for the walking. I've had visions... imaginings, but with a ring of truth to them.

"I am the god, the warrior, and I'm here to bring vengeance. But know this: my anger is not just the wrongs you have done, nor the harm you have wrought. My anger is also that I must come and give chase, and then battle, for protection, knowing that this will not heal the wrongs you have done. The healing, the nurturing, the rebuilding that I might do is denied me, because you needed to be stopped. My anger at your wrongs is cold, but my anger at this pain, of knowing that I can bring only injury when healing is what is needed, is a burning flame that will consume you utterly."

Because the god, in warrior aspect, might be savage, and feel the joy we can't help but feel in terribly fought battles from which we emerge victorious, but he also knows that it is not battle that heals the wounds, nor battle that sows happiness, or content. If a warrior is just, he must always yearn for peace, while never turning from his duties to bring about peace and justice.

I am changing; and, on my own, wish to acknowledge the changes that have occurred and will occur.

So I will be celebrating my re-birth, the changing of the man I was once, into the person I am becoming.

And what better day for rebirth than the day of my birth?

Especially since the day has been turned into a terrible thing, in so many ways.

This September 11th, on the Oregon coast, I will be undergoing, or perhaps merely acknowledging, this transformation.

Those of you who've been in the Craft long enough may now chuckle indulgently or laugh happily, at my enthusiasm :-). But I'd nevertheless like to invite everyone to join me, in whatever way you wish, in some kind of celebration of, and desire for, rebirth. I think that the world could use all the rebirth it can get on that day.

If anyone has some suggestions for ritual, etc., I'd love to hear them.

I'm still trying to decide on a craft name (or whether it's just "John", or, perhaps, "John, that long haired weirdo" :-) )... and it's the silliest thing, but the only thing that comes to mind is a name I chose as a joke a long time ago... Crazyman.

A man who sees things he has no business seeing, who feels and understands things he has no business feeling, nor understanding, a person who occasionally feels driven to the brink of madness, but who brings back sanity from there.

I don't know... it doesn't flow too terribly well. I might look for another name that ends up saying/meaning the same thing.

Comments

I'll give you one gift, John

[wolfette]

my own "craftname" is Joybringer.

Let me think on this and I'll get back to you with suggestions for name and ritual - you are not obliged to take them - but what is coming to me just now is that "John" can mean "gift".

Re: I'll give you one gift, John

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

Thanks; this is exactly the kind of help I want.

The name is the biggest sticky point, right now, because whenever I thought of things, my name was always "the Crazyman", which always felt too darn exclusive. Plus... well, it just doesn't flow. And ritual is definitely a help; I'll have to write some of it on my own, but having a structure will always help.

It is kind of funny that I ended up identifying my god image as Kokopelli, though... in Southwestern US tribes, he *IS* a gift bringer (though also a burden bringer - he brings the burden of pregnancy to women).

And, since giving gifts does seem to be part of my path, I like the notion of keeping it as part of my name.

[iamjw.livejournal.com]

This all sounds wonderful and life-affirming and celebratory. I'll be there in spirit.

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

Thank you; if you want to participate, long distance, you can... I could call you on my cell, and let you know when I'm starting, and you could just think about me for a while... that would put you truly there in spirit.

[elimloth.livejournal.com]

Changes, eh? Oh gosh, choosing a craft name is one of those difficult things especially if the name enshrines one's doom (fate). In a fit of Flash Gordon humor, I thought crazyman could be synonymous with 'chaotica', but then the neural suppressants took hold, thank goodness.

Your name 'John' is described in http://www.behindthename.com as:
JOHN m
Usage: English, Biblical
Pronounced: JAHN
English form of Johannes, which was the Latin form of the Greek name Ioannes, itself derived from the Hebrew name Yochanan meaning "YAHWEH is gracious". This name owes its consistent popularity to two New Testament characters, both highly revered as saints. The first was John the Baptist, the forerunner of Jesus Christ, who was beheaded by Herod Antipas. The second was the apostle John who was also supposedly the author of the fourth Gospel and Revelation.

Now 'gift' is a nice craft name, perhaps _Anbain_ (from ant bain, beautiful gift).

Blessed be,
Elimloth

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

I am thinking I might well incorporate that idea, with two people suggesting it. And my brain suddenly suggests "Lunagift", which nearly rhymes with "lunatic". I'll have to think about that... it's a bit silly, but silliness is not a bad thing, necessarily.

I don't think my name will enshrine my fate, but I do feel that it should paint a proper picture, and I feel it can't help but have an effect on my path.

[elimloth.livejournal.com]

I like Lunagift.
Rene

[blackthornglade.livejournal.com]

I'm still trying to decide on a craft name (or whether it's just "John", or, perhaps, "John, that long haired weirdo" :-) )... and it's the silliest thing, but the only thing that comes to mind is a name I chose as a joke a long time ago... Crazyman.



Congratulations. :) And, frankly, if Crazyman is what rings true...so be it. It's your name. Don't pay too much attention to what others say. It's no stranger than Jet or RavenWolf or any one of hundreds of others out there.

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

Thank you. And, I think the only thing holding me back about "Crazyman" is simply that it always has the connotation of having "the" in front of it for me. And I dont feel I truly am *THE*, so much as "a". It'd be like calling myself "the shaman" if I were into shamanism, as if there was something particular about it.

But, maybe that's just my perception... "John, the long haired weirdo" doesn't make me any *special* long haired weirdo, it just means that I'm that particular John, with the quality of being a long haired weirdo, as opposed to some other John.

Hah... the wonderful thing, of course, is that there is no real *answer* here, there's only a place where my mind wraps around it and says "yeah... cool", or spits it out and says "yech."

[blackthornglade.livejournal.com]

well, I know of one person that went by Maypole Joe. You could try Crazyman John. Or flip-flop it.

"Jet" came as such a surprise to me because it was staring me right in the face for a very long time. I seem to collect jet. I have hunks (fist size, no less) sitting around everywhere. Many of my necklaces are jet or amber and jet. It was a strange moment when the thought clunked into me.

[janetmiles.livejournal.com]

This is a major transition/recognition.

Please forgive me if I overstep, but I see what you are doing in the Craft as very similar to what I am doing in therapy: (re)defining your Self. Given that sense of parallelism, I would no more attempt to suggest a name to you than I would ask another to name me.

I wish us both well in our journeys!

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

Nod. I understand that. But, any suggestion given in love (i.e.: given out of a desire to make things better overall) isn't going to be a problem as far as I'm concerned. If you have a suggestion, I'd like to hear it, but if not, or if you have one but would rather not say, that's fine, too.

Plus, it's not just names... it's elements of ritual that I might incorporate; if you'd heard of a beautiful ritual that you wanted to share, for example, I might want to look at it and see what speaks to me, if anything.