semi-major announcement (of a sort)... wait for it, it's hidden

[johnpalmer]

Does anyone know anything about smokers? You know, those barbecue like things that smoke meats and fish?

I've developed a love of salmon jerky and candied salmon, (and beef jerky, of course, but *damn*... salmon candy? Catholics should avoid it on Lenten Fridays to avoid feeling overwhelmed with guilt over the pleasure) and I was thinking of buying one. The biggest thing that makes me nervous is the charcoal ones.

I like the notion of using charcoal, because it has a nice, rustic-y, outdoors-y feel to it. It reminds me a bit of Pa Ingalls and his old hollow tree from the Little House books, lo those many years ago.

I also like the notion of not burning stuff, and not having the fire go out, and being able to plug the damn thing in and forget about it, except for adding the wood chips and making sure the water bowl stays full if it's supposed to. I have ADHD, remember, so these things are important.

They have some at the local Fred Meyer, and probably at the McLendon's hardware store.

I think I'm going to buy one *soon*... as a celebration of my newfound freedom, which might be fleeting. Good DBAs can get hired quickly these days.

See, Tuesday night, I'd been working until 1 a.m.. Wednesday night, I worked late (mind, I came in late, too), and was about to go out jogging for the first time in weeks... and the phone rings.

"Is this John Palmer?"
"who's calling?"
"This is BGI(crackle) ing about a ha(deadair)ority alert."
"I'll take care of it."
"Do you want to know what it is?"
"No. I'll take care of it."
"Do you (crackle) to (deadair) the queue?"
"I don't *care* what you do. I'll take care of it!"

I'm just curious: has anyone noticed something about tech folks these days? If you're on call, they consider that your job. Not something to say "Hey, John, thanks for handling that alert last night," about, and get a "No prob, it's part of the job, you know?" in response.

So, heaven help you if you're cranky, and tired, and frustrated.

Friday, my boss calls me into a meeting to discuss this matter. No, I won't promise I'll never be cranky with another tier 1 person calling over a bad phone line, at night, when I have other plans. It's not gonna happen.

Later, I point out in an e-mail that the common sense solution to this (to ask me to contact the person in question, and apologize for my tone) was completely ignored.

Late Friday afternoon, while I'm working on some database stuff (and, surprisingly, having a bit of fun figuring out how to get things to work nicely) my boss sends out an e-mail. Someone mistakenly sends it out to the discussion group... I am no longer working for Microsoft, via an Indian outsourcing company, via a contracting firm (VOLT!) who shall remain (VOLT!) nameless, because if I ever (VOLT!) expressed how much I despise (VOLT!) them, I might get myself (VOLT! IT WAS VOLT! TURN BACK NOW, YOU FOOL! IF VOLT WILL HIRE YOU, SOMEONE ELSE WILL! IT WAS VOLT! VOLT! VOLT!) in trouble.

Cool!

I clean off my computer, and Monday, I'll go in to pick up my stuff, and file for unemployment.

Anyway... if you want to sympathize, great, that's fine, but first, remember: do you know anything about how to smoke meats and fish? Any advice?

Comments

Yup, too long for a single response

[http://users.livejournal.com/crossfire_/]

Charcoal-fired smokers can be much cheaper than electric smokers, but you trade the lower price for higher investment in time and effort, and fuel costs. There are different kinds of charcoal-fired smokers: those with offset fire boxes, and those with the fire burning at the bottom (usually called "bullet smokers" or "water smokers").

I own a Weber Smokey Mountain (http://www.virtualweberbullet.com/index.html), which is a mid-range (price-wise) bullet smoker. It runs on charcoal (I buy Kingsford from CostCo), and I buy bags of hardwood chunks from a local barbecue supply store. You fire up the charcoal like a regular grill, toss on 4-5 chunks of hardwood, put the water pan in, then the grills with the meats. Mine produces pretty good smoked foods; my pork shoulder isn't as good as what I can make on my cousin's wood-fired pit, but it's certainly better than the stuff local barbecue joints are selling. And when it comes to smaller cuts of meat like ribs or fish fillets (which have higher surface areas to smoke), my Weber turns out barbecue that's as good as anything from a wood-fired pit.

When I compete, most winners are using wood-fired pits. I've never seen an electric pit win, but I've seen them place. I see charcoal pits, including Smokey Mountains, win frequently. But if there's a wood-fired pit in the competition, it's going to be the one to beat.

To speak to some of the misinformation you've been given, regardless of what kind of smoker you have you you clean it after you use it and cover it up. This keeps it from acting like a "mosquito haven." And you don't just "avoid pine if possible," you NEVER use pine. Pine-smoked food is inedible and tastes like turpentine. ONLY use hardwood. As for the "charcoal sucks" Holy War, well, I already told you want kind of smoker I have. People compete with charcoal (most swear by Kingsford) and win all the time.

I have no experience with propane-fired pits. I've never seen one, never had any barbecue made from one, and can't say anything about them. I know a lot of serious pitmasters consider them heresy, but a lot of serious pitmasters consider electric smokers heresy too, so that means very little.