johnpalmer: (Default)
[personal profile] johnpalmer
Does anyone know anything about smokers? You know, those barbecue like things that smoke meats and fish?

I've developed a love of salmon jerky and candied salmon, (and beef jerky, of course, but *damn*... salmon candy? Catholics should avoid it on Lenten Fridays to avoid feeling overwhelmed with guilt over the pleasure) and I was thinking of buying one. The biggest thing that makes me nervous is the charcoal ones.

I like the notion of using charcoal, because it has a nice, rustic-y, outdoors-y feel to it. It reminds me a bit of Pa Ingalls and his old hollow tree from the Little House books, lo those many years ago.

I also like the notion of not burning stuff, and not having the fire go out, and being able to plug the damn thing in and forget about it, except for adding the wood chips and making sure the water bowl stays full if it's supposed to. I have ADHD, remember, so these things are important.

They have some at the local Fred Meyer, and probably at the McLendon's hardware store.

I think I'm going to buy one *soon*... as a celebration of my newfound freedom, which might be fleeting. Good DBAs can get hired quickly these days.

See, Tuesday night, I'd been working until 1 a.m.. Wednesday night, I worked late (mind, I came in late, too), and was about to go out jogging for the first time in weeks... and the phone rings.

"Is this John Palmer?"
"who's calling?"
"This is BGI(crackle) ing about a ha(deadair)ority alert."
"I'll take care of it."
"Do you want to know what it is?"
"No. I'll take care of it."
"Do you (crackle) to (deadair) the queue?"
"I don't *care* what you do. I'll take care of it!"

I'm just curious: has anyone noticed something about tech folks these days? If you're on call, they consider that your job. Not something to say "Hey, John, thanks for handling that alert last night," about, and get a "No prob, it's part of the job, you know?" in response.

So, heaven help you if you're cranky, and tired, and frustrated.

Friday, my boss calls me into a meeting to discuss this matter. No, I won't promise I'll never be cranky with another tier 1 person calling over a bad phone line, at night, when I have other plans. It's not gonna happen.

Later, I point out in an e-mail that the common sense solution to this (to ask me to contact the person in question, and apologize for my tone) was completely ignored.

Late Friday afternoon, while I'm working on some database stuff (and, surprisingly, having a bit of fun figuring out how to get things to work nicely) my boss sends out an e-mail. Someone mistakenly sends it out to the discussion group... I am no longer working for Microsoft, via an Indian outsourcing company, via a contracting firm (VOLT!) who shall remain (VOLT!) nameless, because if I ever (VOLT!) expressed how much I despise (VOLT!) them, I might get myself (VOLT! IT WAS VOLT! TURN BACK NOW, YOU FOOL! IF VOLT WILL HIRE YOU, SOMEONE ELSE WILL! IT WAS VOLT! VOLT! VOLT!) in trouble.

Cool!

I clean off my computer, and Monday, I'll go in to pick up my stuff, and file for unemployment.

Anyway... if you want to sympathize, great, that's fine, but first, remember: do you know anything about how to smoke meats and fish? Any advice?

Date: 2005-11-06 07:07 pm (UTC)
curmudgn: (chef)
From: [personal profile] curmudgn
I got me some opinions about smokers, seein's how I own a fair-sized one. 'Course, some of my opinions may need to wait for implementation until you're not unemployed again.

First, I'll agree with [livejournal.com profile] joviansun and say that charcoal briquettes are about the worst fuel idea ever for smoking. They're more or less OK for direct-heat grilling, but for smoking they suck donkey dicks. Instead, look around and see what fruit or nut hardwoods are available. Apple is good, as are hickory or pecan (another member of the hickory family). Oak is also fine, or even mesquite (although I doubt you'll find much of that living in the wild where you are). I've found that just keeping my eyes open, I can find all sorts of wind-fallen branches that can be chopped up for smoker fuel. I live in a neighborhood that's covered with pecan trees, and I haven't actually bought smoker fuel in years. I just pick up windfalls, which most people are happy for me to haul off, saw it up and stack it to season, and use PRN.

Second, I never have liked the vertical water-pan smokers much. They're hard to maintain when you're working, and act like mosquito havens when you're not. Instead, put out the extra money and get an offset smoker with a separate firebox on one side. I have a New Braunfels Black Diamond, which lists for about $180 at Home Despot or Lowe's around these parts. (I got very lucky and found mine at a yard sale for $80.) The Black Diamond, like all New Braunfels smokers, is made of quarter-inch plate steel and is in NO danger of rusting out any time these next twenty years. The offset firebox can also be used separately for grilling and has a top plate for use as a "back burner" for a heating pan of basting sauce if you use one (I don't) or cooking a pot of beans.

Profile

johnpalmer: (Default)
johnpalmer

November 2025

S M T W T F S
      1
2345678
9101112131415
16 1718 19 202122
23242526272829
30      

Most Popular Tags

Page Summary

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Feb. 3rd, 2026 07:55 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios