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Jan. 19th, 2002 03:06 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
johnpalmerSo... it seems that my naysayer may have won out. If you recall, my last journal entry, I was talking about the fact that I was searching for contacts, friends, and playmates in alt.com. There was one woman who I was thinking "if only one person ever answered, I'd want it to be her"... she did.
We're meeting for coffee tomorrow on Capitol (al?) Hill, which is what is essentially "weirdo central" for Seattle, so it's good to meet there.
She's a mostly-SM top, and finds few enough SM-bottoms (I'm actually a switch); she seems to like the type of play that I like, which seems fairly heavy. Of course, "heavy" is a relative thing. I could say "God, I'd never do *THAT*; I have this thing about screaming my lungs out. It's always hard to put them back in, and they have dust on them, and...", and someone else watching the same thing could scoff and say "That's a party trick I do if there's nothing *INTERESTING* going on."
And, of course, we could both look at something else, and he could say "God..." and I could say "party trick". Not only do people have different tolerances, they have different types of tolerances.
She bottoms on occasion, I hope to have the honor and pleasure of topping for her someday. I think she might be interested, because she mentioned it twice, which strikes me as a definite "don't forget!"
Her favorite implement is the cane. Those of you who know me *REALLY* well, know something about that. The rest of you, well... hey, the 'cut' tag warned you about my sex life, right?
See, I'm into spanking, mostly, as a kink. It's kind of weird, because it's not precisely S&M, and it has elements of D/S and B/D.
First, one of my big rushes is the loss of control, on either side. The giver has taken control; the recipient has lost it, and may struggle, but to no avail. That peculiar fear feeds a rush, from the loss of control through the enactment of the spanking itself.
Second, there are lots of implements made to strike one person or another's butt. Paddles of various types (including, say, hairbrushes, but those are almost in a class of their own), straps, whips, rods, cats, floggers...you can argue which one is worst, but if you didn't put "the cane" in the top three, you'd have to explain why not, and a lot of people probably just wouldn't believe you.
Now, the cane might not be what you think... it's flexible, thin rattan. (Except in Singapore, where it's much thicker and more dangerous. One spanking player I know and respect tried to swing a cane cut to Singapore standards, and couldn't... too long, too heavy, too unweildy. She *SHOULD* have been able to, if "caning" in Singapore had the relationship to "spanking" that many people might think it does.)
But the key is, it's thin, and flexible, and very 'whippy'. (and, incidentally, tends to break cleanly, in a horizontal line. Most people see the 'sectioned stick' and think that rattan is bamboo. It's not; bamboo can break vertically, and can cause nasty cuts if it does.) And, when it strikes, it has a rather unique feel... a shock (the impact), but then a moment that it doesn't hurt (or "doesn't hurt too much") , and then a terrible, stinging pain rises.
Not only is it kind of exciting for the severity... it has multiple "Loss of control" rushes in each stroke. Each stroke has the same "oh-god-it's happening" fear, with the inevitable, and unstoppable, result afterwards.
These things scare the blazes out of me... and that's the other part of the rush.
Now, you can hurt someone with a cane if you don't know what you're doing. The biggest danger is crossing cane strokes. The cane will raise welts, and if you raise another deep welt on top of one that's already there, it's easy to break the skin.
I told her that the cane excited me, but I'd really want to have some way to know that she knows what she's doing. Now, I'm in a really weird quandry. See, I've talked to her; I'm sure she *DOES* know what she's doing. But I also feel like I shouldn't go back on a rule I gave myself for safety.
(A little voice in the back of my head says "you know, you're almost assuming that you WILL get a chance to play with her", and a little voice in the front of my head says "yeah, I am; and you know what, it sounds like we like each other okay as play partners, so I'm *GOING* to assume that, until things fall apart." I love it when my front brain actually wins against my backbrain.)
I'm meeting her tomorrow at three... this quandry is making it difficult to think about things like, say, sleeping, but I guess I better try, soon.
We're meeting for coffee tomorrow on Capitol (al?) Hill, which is what is essentially "weirdo central" for Seattle, so it's good to meet there.
She's a mostly-SM top, and finds few enough SM-bottoms (I'm actually a switch); she seems to like the type of play that I like, which seems fairly heavy. Of course, "heavy" is a relative thing. I could say "God, I'd never do *THAT*; I have this thing about screaming my lungs out. It's always hard to put them back in, and they have dust on them, and...", and someone else watching the same thing could scoff and say "That's a party trick I do if there's nothing *INTERESTING* going on."
And, of course, we could both look at something else, and he could say "God..." and I could say "party trick". Not only do people have different tolerances, they have different types of tolerances.
She bottoms on occasion, I hope to have the honor and pleasure of topping for her someday. I think she might be interested, because she mentioned it twice, which strikes me as a definite "don't forget!"
Her favorite implement is the cane. Those of you who know me *REALLY* well, know something about that. The rest of you, well... hey, the 'cut' tag warned you about my sex life, right?
See, I'm into spanking, mostly, as a kink. It's kind of weird, because it's not precisely S&M, and it has elements of D/S and B/D.
First, one of my big rushes is the loss of control, on either side. The giver has taken control; the recipient has lost it, and may struggle, but to no avail. That peculiar fear feeds a rush, from the loss of control through the enactment of the spanking itself.
Second, there are lots of implements made to strike one person or another's butt. Paddles of various types (including, say, hairbrushes, but those are almost in a class of their own), straps, whips, rods, cats, floggers...you can argue which one is worst, but if you didn't put "the cane" in the top three, you'd have to explain why not, and a lot of people probably just wouldn't believe you.
Now, the cane might not be what you think... it's flexible, thin rattan. (Except in Singapore, where it's much thicker and more dangerous. One spanking player I know and respect tried to swing a cane cut to Singapore standards, and couldn't... too long, too heavy, too unweildy. She *SHOULD* have been able to, if "caning" in Singapore had the relationship to "spanking" that many people might think it does.)
But the key is, it's thin, and flexible, and very 'whippy'. (and, incidentally, tends to break cleanly, in a horizontal line. Most people see the 'sectioned stick' and think that rattan is bamboo. It's not; bamboo can break vertically, and can cause nasty cuts if it does.) And, when it strikes, it has a rather unique feel... a shock (the impact), but then a moment that it doesn't hurt (or "doesn't hurt too much") , and then a terrible, stinging pain rises.
Not only is it kind of exciting for the severity... it has multiple "Loss of control" rushes in each stroke. Each stroke has the same "oh-god-it's happening" fear, with the inevitable, and unstoppable, result afterwards.
These things scare the blazes out of me... and that's the other part of the rush.
Now, you can hurt someone with a cane if you don't know what you're doing. The biggest danger is crossing cane strokes. The cane will raise welts, and if you raise another deep welt on top of one that's already there, it's easy to break the skin.
I told her that the cane excited me, but I'd really want to have some way to know that she knows what she's doing. Now, I'm in a really weird quandry. See, I've talked to her; I'm sure she *DOES* know what she's doing. But I also feel like I shouldn't go back on a rule I gave myself for safety.
(A little voice in the back of my head says "you know, you're almost assuming that you WILL get a chance to play with her", and a little voice in the front of my head says "yeah, I am; and you know what, it sounds like we like each other okay as play partners, so I'm *GOING* to assume that, until things fall apart." I love it when my front brain actually wins against my backbrain.)
I'm meeting her tomorrow at three... this quandry is making it difficult to think about things like, say, sleeping, but I guess I better try, soon.
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no subject
Date: 2002-01-19 08:35 am (UTC)But I also feel like I shouldn't go back on a rule I gave myself for safety.
What rule is that?
If you want a public place to play with her the first time (for safety), or a place to see her cane someone else, there's the Wet Spot.
no subject
Date: 2002-01-30 02:16 am (UTC)It seems that there are (at least) two types of people into that kind of play... those who find the sensations, themselve, fun and erotic and pleasant, and those that find the anticipation or 'danger' of those sensations to be fun, erotic, or pleasant.
That is, there are people who, learning they're going to be caned, might say "COOL!" and wait in eager anticipation, and those who, learning that a caning is imminent, have an erotic, but nevertheless intense, feeling of dread... and who despise the caning while it's happening, and while the pain is still fresh, but start fantasizing about it happening again very soon thereafter. (Sometimes, if an experience was disappointing, the desire is *REALLY* funny, in that you might be too sore to be able to ask for more, but feeling let down.)
This trip down memory lane was brought about by the fact that you talked about how you love the sensation, and it's always an interesting experience thinking about that. You could be sitting there saying "Oh, how cool! That's wonderful!" about something that scares the blazes out of me.
But... the safety rule was just that, when I first spoke to her, before I sent anything, I'd decided that I wouldn't jump at a chance to try caning too quickly, because I knew it was risky. So, I'd kind of made myself a promise "don't do X until Y". "Don't get caned until you know she's pretty good at it."
I later learned that, over healthy skin, caning is really pretty safe (actually "distressingly safe", given my fear/desire reaction to it), so I'm probably going to let that rule go. If it was play piercing, I'd still feel obligated to make sure I knew she knew what she was doing, and I also have some other limits that I don't want broken unless/until we've been playing a while... but "no caning until I've seen her working at it" is something I can let go.
Now, letting her know that... that could be a bit trickier.
(Yes, if it was *REALLY* important, I could just tell her. I'm not embarrassed. But I'm torn between desire for feeling the cane, and desire for 'self preservation'.)