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johnpalmerAnother one of my "Scream" essays.
One more bit of unwinding, then I can write. Did you hear that “poink” in my TMJ that sounded not-unlike the string of a badly tuned musical instrument? I think that’s the tightness that’s driving me, and it’s driving me crazy because of the earache, and the oddball tinnitus (“tinn i-yi-tus, in tragic harmony….”), and just the feeling like I really want to crack my knuckles, only, it’s deep in my jaw, or maybe my shoulder, on my right side, it’s hard to tell sensations apart sometimes. You can’t write, john it hurts too much, you can’t form the words, you can tell when it’s crap, but you can’t think of how to de-crap-ify it, and that’s a sign that your brain is too badly shut down for productive work.
Nobody really understands what it’s like to live life in short bursts, five, ten, maybe fifteen minutes, between pain sessions. The pain takes my brain offline, which means it takes me offline, which means I'm more dying than living.
One more bit of unwinding, then I can write. Did you hear that “poink” in my TMJ that sounded not-unlike the string of a badly tuned musical instrument? I think that’s the tightness that’s driving me, and it’s driving me crazy because of the earache, and the oddball tinnitus (“tinn i-yi-tus, in tragic harmony….”), and just the feeling like I really want to crack my knuckles, only, it’s deep in my jaw, or maybe my shoulder, on my right side, it’s hard to tell sensations apart sometimes. You can’t write, john it hurts too much, you can’t form the words, you can tell when it’s crap, but you can’t think of how to de-crap-ify it, and that’s a sign that your brain is too badly shut down for productive work.
Nobody really understands what it’s like to live life in short bursts, five, ten, maybe fifteen minutes, between pain sessions. The pain takes my brain offline, which means it takes me offline, which means I'm more dying than living.
