To: victims of mental illness and disorders.

[johnpalmer]

It's not your fault; it's not your responsibility. Just take a pill and make your life better.

There.

There is now *ONE* example of this attitude in print.

Next time someone wants to talk about how this is society's message to those who suffer, well, now they have an example of someone saying it. They'll have to cut the rest of this message, though.

But just think... despite never seeing this attitude in print, despite only the wackiest of whackos saying anything close of that, it still gets stated all the time, as a given. It doesn't even have to be *argued*... you say it, everyone nods in agreement, and you continue. Present evidence? No... just rant about how this is a sick society that has this destructive attitude, just like dozens of other folks have made similar rant. *EVERYONE* knows that society is always pushing the quick fix and easy excuse.

Well, I hate to dash anyone's opinions with the truth, but here's what society's real message is.

It's:

You're lazy

You're too negative

You'll never have any friends if you keep acting that way

Why are you doing this to us?

It's your problem; quit trying to blame everyone else

get over it, and get a life

that's just like you losers, always trying to blame other people for your failures

take responsibility for your life

we don't want to hear about it

Taking drugs? Yeah, that's society for you; always looking for an excuse and a quick fix.

Comments

[lolleeroberts.livejournal.com]

I have not experienced this myself, but my late husband did. Hugs available if you want them.

[mittelbar.livejournal.com]

I'm on your side, mostly.

But it is true that I've also heard "go to a doctor" and "there are medicines for that" and "why don't you get some drugs or something?" Those messages are also pretty hard to take, in their ways. Other versions of "just get over it already."

I don't know that I've ever seen them quite so bluntly in print. However, I have certainly read enough little articles here and there about the Miracles of Modern Medicine to think there is a printed/broadcast message of sorts suggesting that it's as easy as getting a pill, or "the right pill."

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

It's true, medical science certainly wants to fix things... doctors want to, drug companies sure as *heck* do, because there's big money in it, but society?

Society's message is "get out of our face until you have a problem we can see, one we can't deny. We don't want to be bothered."

Society doesn't accept the notion that drugs can help, because it puts the human psyche into the middle of a chemical soup, and not solely in control of the mind. If it's impossible for a person to see happiness in the future, it has to be because they refuse to see it, not because their brain isn't generating enough of this or that neurotransmitter.

We've finally gotten to the stage that people grudgingly will admit that *some* people need help... "but nowhere near as many as are on these drugs!"

Ask them how many people are on these drugs, and their only answer is "too many". They don't know... they just know that people are *always* looking for a quick, easy fix.

Ten years now, I've been battling problems, and I sure as hell *would* like a quick, easy fix... but I also know it doesn't exist.

[jenny_evergreen]

I do agree that this is true for the largest portion of society.

In the interest of a complete picture, there is also a large (that I have personally encountered) contingent that sees the attention that one gets when one has an illness that is accepted, and so seeks to find an illness that matches. I could be diagnosed right now with a number of the popular syndromes. (Even easier if I don't actually get a doctor's diagnosis and attribute that to closed-minded doctors.) I could highlight those things that are symptoms of the syndromes to such a degree that, in fact, I DO develop them.
The mind is an incredibly powerful thing.

This is incredibly hurtful to those who really DO suffer these conditions, which is why it is so upsetting, why people like me, who see it in action, are skeptical of claims to suffer from these conditions that can so easily be mimicked, why we ask for more evidence, especially in borderline cases.

It's not, in that case, a lack of compassion, it's about being sure that those who will truly benefit from the care receive it, and about trying to see that those who are dealing with other issues (the need for attention, a variety of past and current traumas, poor self-esteem, etc) get the care they need, rather than hiding socially unacceptable pain behind a socially acceptable one.

None of this is intended to invalidate what you've written, just to add to it another aspect. Nothing is black and white, as you know.
I am not bad because I don't automatically accept every diagnosis, nor is someone who does. We're all trying to do the right thing.

[ojosmarrones.livejournal.com]

I completely agree that the majority of our society says the things you list.

That said, I have experienced a loud minority that tried to push the drugs as a quick fix and I've seen people be put on drugs without a proper medical diagnosis because then they (the patient) would shut up. I've seen drugs help quite a few people in my life and I'm grateful for their existence, but I have to admit I'm still wary of them because I've seen people get one one drug or another as a quick fix.


And just for the record, I have heard radio ads stating a long list of "do you suffer from depression" to "do you want a better job" statements followed by ask your doctor about prozac. This was in the late 80's/early 90's and I haven't heard them since, but they did exist at one point. The message I got from the ad was this little pill will solve all your problems without taking responsibility for it.

[kightp.livejournal.com]

I wonder what message a truly compassionate society might send?

I imagine it might go something like this:

It's not your fault. Mental illness isn't a question of fault.

It is your responsibility to take care of yourself, to the extent you can. But we know that can be hard, and as a compassionate society we are willing to provide tools and services to help you do that, if you need them.

In exchange, when and if you are able, it would be good if you helped others, too.

If there's a pill that will make your life better without causing you worse problems, then by all means take it. That's what medicine should be about: Making people's lives better.

You are not your illness; you are a human being worthy of respect and, yes, love.

That's a start. What else?

[cerval.livejournal.com]

Jez? Have I told you lately that you really, really rock? Especially given *ahem* stuff being posted elsewhere, I really needed to hear that too.

[kightp.livejournal.com]

If there's a pill that will make your life better without causing you worse problems, then by all means take it.

On reflection, I think I'd amend that to say "... by all means take it if you want to."

(I'm all too aware of the mixed messages our culture sends about drugs, legal and otherwise ...)

[iamjw.livejournal.com]

Which is, interestingly enough, the message that 12 step groups send.

[cerval.livejournal.com]

John, I was going to send you an e-mail, but here you have a post on the very topic I was going to e-mail you about. Mostly, I just want you to know that a few minutes ago, I was bouncing around my office saying "John Palmer did it again! He gets the "said it better than I ever could" award again! I absolutely adore that man. If I had a credit card, I'd send him flowers right this instant!" Eventually, eleccham got me to calm down long enough to explain that I was referring to the "mental illness" thread in the Callahanians community. For a number of reasons, I was finding it all deeply upsetting, but did not feel at liberty to post comments. Your comments were wonderful, well thought out, and well said. Not feeling comfortable saying anything myself, (which was grating on my nerves more than a bit) I was more than happy to think of your comments as representative of (at least some of) us who suffer these illnesses and disorders, and the ignorance of others.

Thank you.

[64tbird.livejournal.com]

From www.dictionary.com:
\Ig"no*rance\, n. [F., fr. L. ignorantia.] 1. The condition of being ignorant; the want of knowledge in general, or in relation to a particular subject; the state of being uneducated or uninformed.

Okay - feel free to call me ignorant, because yes, I have a want of knowledge. In relation to this particular topic, I am uninformed. That's why I am asking.

I'll take on all the pain here. It was my query, it's my want for knowledge, it's my pain at being refused. And I'll stop there lest people get hurt.

And, you'll be happy to know, I'm withdrawing from you, from John, from the Internet. There is nothing for me here but pain, and I have enough of that in my own life without going looking for it in cyberspace.

One last try.

[eleccham.livejournal.com]

And here I go, for lack of better judgement...

*sigh* I'm apologizing in advance, johnpalmer, for this ending up in your journal. I really, really am. Can I hereby request that any unpleasantries that might arise from this not be posted here, but to the post I link to at the end? I thought that it was only fair to everyone who seems to have gotten dragged into this whole great mess, months later, where I sit.

It seems to me that various people have been trying to explain this... but take a step back for a moment, and consider how this discussion might not be able to look like anything but a loaded gun to certain of us?

Maybe it wasn't meant as one... but it's gotten awfully hard to tell. It's really, truly, awfully difficult to not tie this all back to "64tbird and cerval"... which leads back to "64tbird and eleccham"... which leads back to that one fatal mis-click of the mouse.

And maybe I'm misunderstanding what you were intending to accomplish. Maybe you were trying to accomplish more than one thing?

But it's really, really hard not to misinterpret, with the number of (from my perspective) leading comments that were made in that thread.

But, really, if that's the topic under discussion, let me make one thing perfectly clear: that's not what it's about, and it never was. If you really need to understand why things broke down - if that's what you're trying to understand - it's very simple. (Redirected, to try desperately to drag this back out of the journal of someone who wasn't really involved in the first place. Please post replies to this comment there instead...)

Re: One last try.

[(Anonymous)]

I want this made very clear before I go for good.

MY POST WAS NOT ABOUT CERVAL AND IT WAS NOT ABOUT YOU.

I find it stunning that people who don't even know me and now all over Live Journal psychoanalyzing me. Valkrywench? Good god, show me three places we have ever interacted! Yet she has all sorts of judgement to pass on me.

But everyone wants it to be about you and Cerval. My demons. It wasn't about you. It's not about you now. Unless you make it about you.

I'm sorry this is in your journal John...but I want it made clear - I did not put it here. I'm just sick of having my head kicked in by people who enjoyed my hospitality, support and love for 3 years and repayed me with whatever this has become.

THIS is why I left LJ, so that I wouldn't do this. But I broke. And I decided that I do NOT deserve my head kicked in. It wasn't about you Gordon, and it wasn't about Chelsea. If you wanted paybacks of some sort for crimes of I don't even know what, if you wanted my blood on the floor, if you wanted to know for sure I was really truly in pain, I am here to tell you, yes, I am. Now how about you leave me alone?

[gingicat]

Meant to comment to this earlier this week when eleccham pointed me to it, but Life Intervened.

This is a great post, and I'm sorry that the person aimed at felt attacked rather than corrected... could have been a great dialogue if only she were willing to listen instead of rant.

[dandelion-diva.livejournal.com]

*nodnod* What she said.

Gessi

[64tbird.livejournal.com]

Assumptions are a very dangerous thing.

John and I took our dialogue off line.

Thanks for assuming you know more about me than you do.
Now please stop.
It does far more harm than good. For everyone.