Hey, everyone...

[johnpalmer]

So, yeah, I'm still reading, and thinking about you, and caring about you, and trying to remember to write in here more often.

But I'm also struggling with depression and other health issues right now. I think I'm on the mend... I found that my generic Wellbutrin sucked, and I'm using a different method of taking it, and I think it's helping, but the generic XL form seemed to make some things worse.

Interestingly, there was a news story that one brand of the generic XL form was recalled because it didn't meet the correct criteria for bioavailability (i.e.: it didn't release the medication steadily over 24 hours). There are two things aggravating about this - I'd been on a generic formulation of the XL form before, and it didn't work for me - I'd just forgotten. The other thing that's aggravating is, this is one of those things that's well known among people who are depressed and follow forums on the internet... but it wasn't enough to trigger a quicker review.

If it had been a pain killer, and people swore up and down it didn't relieve pain as well, well, people would listen. But since it was "just" an antidepressant... well, how do you know if it's the drug, or the progression of the problem? Then again - that's all the more reason to be more careful about these things, right? If you say your generic time release drug is just as good as the brand name, you can't have it release at a completely different rate, precisely because it's that much harder to track any problems the different release rate causes!

Ah well.

I also went to see a physical therapist about my hip. She said I might need a new one.

No, seriously... a guy who's running 3 miles, four or 5 times a week, and walking the remaining days might need a new hip.

See, she asked if it felt like my leg was out of socket. I said well, it's weird - my left leg is so turned out, my left foot comes down so funny, it *does* kind of feel that way, but, of course, if *that* was a problem, I'd have more serious problems than this, right?

She'd already figured out that my left hip was jutting up and forward; she figured that the reason this was happening was a tear in the gunk inside my hip socket. An MRI would be a good idea, she said. I finally asked the prognosis of this torn-gunk in my hip socket - there's nothing good; the bone's probably worn away, the gunk doesn't grow back (except when it does, and doctors don't study *that* because what is there to study?), blah blah blah, maybe eventual hip replacement. Oh, I don't want an MRI based upon ludicrously idiotic guesses? Well, here are two tiny exercises that won't damage my hideously injured hip, we have to let it *heal*, and *DO NOT RUN*.

I ran every day for the next four days; do I think I have a hip problem? No. I cancelled each of my two appointments, and didn't make another.

kightp had some psoas muscle problems, and I tried some of the stretches she was doing - they helped. I kept doing the other stretches I was doing that seemed to help. I kept doing the balance exercises that illustrate the problem, figuring that if I kept strengthening the right muscles, it'll help.

I'm not well - but I'm a lot better, and I feel like I'm getting well. My gait is normalizing (which means I have achy legs from using different muscles), and I can sit up straighter for longer. My left butt seems to lay on chairs closer to the way my right one does. All the little things that feel wrong seem to be feeling more right.

I think I've had one time where a physical therapist actually helped me - patellar tendonitis. Each and every other time, it seemed like they completely misunderstood the problem, had me doing things that didn't help all that much, and then slapped on a TENS unit and an ice pack that didn't do a damn bit of good. Maybe it's me - maybe I talk too much to them; maybe I geek out too much. But I think I'm one for four when it comes to effective physical therapy, which isn't very heartening.

But I am on the mend, I think my depression is lifting, and I think I have fixes for some of my other things.

So - enough babble for tonight. Tomorrow - tomorrow I'm going to beg for help finding a present for a teenaged girl (my niece).

Here's hoping life is treating you all well!

Comments

[sueschus.livejournal.com]

Been there, done that with the depression. It is hard come out of it. Years ago it took meds, but now when it starts - those little black feelings - I force myself to find something else to do. I tell myself I just don't have time for it.

As for the hip. When I had sciatica, which is not the same I realize, one thing that helped was to get in the car differently. Back in and sit in the car seat, then lift and pivot with both legs in at the same time. In theory this is the way ladies are supposed to get in a car so they don't expose all. But it also means you're not extending the leg to 'reach' into the car first. It did help the sciatica. PT also helped, especially laying/lying on my back, bending the leg at the knee and pulling the right knee toward the left shoulder and the left toward the right shoulder. Just a nice stretch.

Your nice might like a pendant with her birthstone, charm bracelet that you add to each year (sterling), really good earbuds for her iPod, gift certificate to iTunes, Amazon, Best Buy, teen boutique, etc.

Doing any more shaman work?

Life is treating me well. It's the people that give me trouble. ;)
sue

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

Nod. I'm hoping that there will come a time when I can just not have time for depression - maybe if it lifts, and I keep my physical problems in check, maybe I can go off the antidepressants like a normal person (by which I mean, most people take antidepressants for 9-12 months and then stop - some can't, and there's *nothing* wrong with that, but I'm already on three other meds "just to be normal" and I'd like to not have to have a fourth.)

I actually *do* have some sciatica - that's part of the problem. Once they hear "sciatica" most PTs go straight for the periformis stretch - which doesn't help me much, if it all. I had some psoas involvement, some hamstring issues, some lower back funkiness (which might be caused by the tight muscles), and so on.

I'll have to think about your suggestions for Eva (my niece) - her parents have given up on specifics, but an uncle might be able to do something like a charm bracelet. Parents are right there, but an uncle can be more sentimental because he's further away :-).

[acelightning.livejournal.com]

Sounds to me as if you ought to find a different physical therapist, and maybe even get that MRI, and have it interpreted by a doctor. A lot of PT verges on quackery :-(

Life's treating me somewhat better, even though I'm now officially "old" (I just turned 65) - the reconstruction of my house is proceeding in fits and starts, but I'm astonished by the generosity of some of my friends... ;-)

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

I might find a new physical therapist if I can't fix things on my own. I promised myself that I wasn't going to ignore how I felt and hope it got better. I did far too much watchful waiting, thinking things were getting better when they were doing so too slowly (if they were improving at all). But I am getting better - and over days, not weeks. So right now, I'm holding off.

The MRI - I may need it *someday*, but definitely not now. Everything feels like it's caused by tight muscles that are hard to work properly - if I loosen up the muscles, and things still don't work right, then it might be time to think about deeper diagnostics. But I think it was just a wild bit of miscommunication. Well... and a PT who was over-eager to either get a nice fat referral fee, or just didn't care. But I don't even have an X-ray showing funky socket action - it's far too soon for an MRI to try to figure out if I have a tear in the hip-gunk that causes my body to pull it out of socket!

[acelightning.livejournal.com]

IANAD, but it seems to me that, if you have tight muscles, something's making them tight, and just loosening them up isn't addressing the underlying cause. And diagnostics for things like that can be very non-obvious.

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

Well - if the muscles were tightening up after getting normal range of motion back, sure, I'd agree. But muscles do tighten when placed under stress for a long time. A common cause is when a person has an injury that causes them to favor the injury, and do things "wrong" and then never returning to doing them "right" so that the right muscles shorten and weaken, and the wrong ones lengthen and strengthen. At this point, someone might need help (massage or manipulation or physical therapy) to help re-train the muscles to work the way they were intended to.

[acelightning.livejournal.com]

It comes down to which is cause and which is effect. But if what you're doing is working for you, that's the most important thing, and screw the theories :-)

[pernishus.livejournal.com]

Glad to hear that the depression is lifting, and that other things are looking up for you. Thinking of you and Jez as the holidays approach, and remembering our time together last summer with gratefulness and renewed pleasure in the memory.

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

And I've been thinking of you - you've helped me remember to keep my depression in full sight, so that even if I'm not feeling well, to *remember* what I'm trying to do, to try to build up a fuller, happier life, and not to let myself feel "better, but still pretty bad" and think that's enough. You are alive, you care, you act, and you play - all those things that I find slipping away when depression is sneaking up on me. So you're inspiring me to keep fighting back.

[hobbitbabe.livejournal.com]

I really admire how observant you are of how your body and mind behave and whether various treatments help or not. It is an example of how being geeky can be lifesaving.

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

Yes. (I laugh a bit, though... I remember a series of books that liked to use that kind of thing as a joke. "It was a small advantage - just enough to save one's life once in a while".)

[phoenixpdx.livejournal.com]

Ah, been thinking of you, too, although I am on LJ more and more rarely, I regret to say. Glad that things are on the mend. As one with a pretty completely "zebra" body both skeletally and neurologically, I understand how hard it can be sometimes to get the providers to pay attention to how it works for ME, not for the "normal" person they've been trained for. Good on you for listening to your own body, not the words of the PT. I have had some good PT experiences. My worst experiences were with the pain doctor and the neurosurgeon (who insisted I had never had polio...hello??)

I have not had a lot of time for social life, lately...when it looks like I've garnered enough energy for one, I will drop you a line, what say?

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

I've been... well, I've been missing missing you. Realizing that depression and other issues have been making me not miss you the way I should, and feeling bothered by that.

I hope to e-mail you soon....