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johnpalmerbut, this one probably shouldn't be put off.
Today, I told my wife that we should probably start looking for other partners.
That, although there's no reason to get a divorce (because neither of us needs that freedom right away), I've seen no signs that things will get any better, ever.
There is no crime involved here. No one's done something evil to the other. But, she's been sick and unattentive for a large percentage of our five years of marriage. How much was sickness, and how much was just thoughtlessness? I don't know, but for her sake, I'll pretend it was 100% and 0% respectively.
I've told her I'm willing to talk. I've told her I'm willing to try to rebuild things if she has any ideas. And, I am.
I love her dearly. I'd sacrifice a lot if I knew it would make things better. I'd sacrifice a lot if I thought there was a large chance it would make things better.
But, at the age of 36, I'm already resenting the portion of my life I've given up to her, freely, and of my own will. (Can you guess that my mind supplies "she stole from me" to describe that time instead?) For all three of us - her, me, and whatever 'us' there could be, now was one of the last few times I could make this decision. Maybe I'll celebrate this the standard guy way, and spend the rest of tonight getting drunk.
Today, I told my wife that we should probably start looking for other partners.
That, although there's no reason to get a divorce (because neither of us needs that freedom right away), I've seen no signs that things will get any better, ever.
There is no crime involved here. No one's done something evil to the other. But, she's been sick and unattentive for a large percentage of our five years of marriage. How much was sickness, and how much was just thoughtlessness? I don't know, but for her sake, I'll pretend it was 100% and 0% respectively.
I've told her I'm willing to talk. I've told her I'm willing to try to rebuild things if she has any ideas. And, I am.
I love her dearly. I'd sacrifice a lot if I knew it would make things better. I'd sacrifice a lot if I thought there was a large chance it would make things better.
But, at the age of 36, I'm already resenting the portion of my life I've given up to her, freely, and of my own will. (Can you guess that my mind supplies "she stole from me" to describe that time instead?) For all three of us - her, me, and whatever 'us' there could be, now was one of the last few times I could make this decision. Maybe I'll celebrate this the standard guy way, and spend the rest of tonight getting drunk.
no subject
Date: 2002-10-01 08:21 pm (UTC)*nod* And that's not an easy balance to maintain, for either of us - where is the line between "trying to help" and "trying to hide"? It got to a point where I was afraid to leave him alone in the house for more than a day at a time, because he wouldn't eat if someone wasn't there to make dinner. He was afraid to cook. And the resentment over being treated like a parent instead of a partner finally got to be too much for me. Things actually have been better since that argument - but I think I'll likely always be waiting for the other shoe to drop. And I have to decide if that's an acceptable outcome for me.