(no subject)

Well... I did it.

I posted a long-ish, confessional type introduction on the BBS that The Wet Spot maintains. And I feel ...
I *FEEL*...

I feel like an idiot. Don't I always when doing something like this? Sigh.

I don't know where I picked it up... it could have been college, it could have been much earlier. But deep down inside me is this little screaming voice saying "Never show need".

One of you is probably saying something like "Wow, and just a few days ago you posted about how this person you were negotiating with thought you were needy, when you were being straightforward because you trusted her; that must really suck, like a nightmare come true and... and I'll shut up now and stop rubbing salt in the wound."

Thank you... especially for the last bit. Not that I needed you to stop (and in this case, I honestly didn't. But it does drive away from the main point).

But that's part of it. Asking for help scares the blazes out of me, and hurts, to boot. At the same time, not having any resources scares the blazes out of me, too. It's a mess any which way.

Anyway...basically my introduction said "Hi, I'm here, I'm poly, I'm into this and that... and you know, I'm socially about as clumsy as a drunken bull in a china shop..."

And I do feel proud for posting it. I read it and re-read it, and decided it conveyed my message, and then I made myself ask "what's the worse that could happen?"

Well, someone could decide to help. That's scary, but it's not *BAD*.

People might do nothing that helps. That's exactly as bad as I was before I posted it.

People could make something bad out of it... in which case, those people are toxic, and the type I want to avoid anyway. Really, it's positive all the way around, so it was probably a good idea. But I still feel like an idiot.

But I don't feel like an idiot who's going to figure out how to remove that message from the board. So that's something, at least.

(no subject)

Well... I did it.

I posted a long-ish, confessional type introduction on the BBS that The Wet Spot maintains. And I feel ...
I *FEEL*...

I feel like an idiot. Don't I always when doing something like this? Sigh.

I don't know where I picked it up... it could have been college, it could have been much earlier. But deep down inside me is this little screaming voice saying "Never show need".

One of you is probably saying something like "Wow, and just a few days ago you posted about how this person you were negotiating with thought you were needy, when you were being straightforward because you trusted her; that must really suck, like a nightmare come true and... and I'll shut up now and stop rubbing salt in the wound."

Thank you... especially for the last bit. Not that I needed you to stop (and in this case, I honestly didn't. But it does drive away from the main point).

But that's part of it. Asking for help scares the blazes out of me, and hurts, to boot. At the same time, not having any resources scares the blazes out of me, too. It's a mess any which way.

Anyway...basically my introduction said "Hi, I'm here, I'm poly, I'm into this and that... and you know, I'm socially about as clumsy as a drunken bull in a china shop..."

And I do feel proud for posting it. I read it and re-read it, and decided it conveyed my message, and then I made myself ask "what's the worse that could happen?"

Well, someone could decide to help. That's scary, but it's not *BAD*.

People might do nothing that helps. That's exactly as bad as I was before I posted it.

People could make something bad out of it... in which case, those people are toxic, and the type I want to avoid anyway. Really, it's positive all the way around, so it was probably a good idea. But I still feel like an idiot.

But I don't feel like an idiot who's going to figure out how to remove that message from the board. So that's something, at least.