(no subject)

[johnpalmer]

One of the things I read during the Imus situation was that the NBC director was suprised to hear the strength of feelings some of the black folks in the office had.

And it made me ponder something. Is it even acceptable to call out emotional issues anymore?

I don't just mean racism or sexism or other issues. Is it ever generally accepted to be able to say "the way you treated me was hurtful to me?"

My feeling has always been "no", and the few times I remember seeing or hearing of that kind of thing, it's seemed like it was revolving around abuse... one person demanding that his or her feelings mattered more than other folks, for example.

I'm not asking if it's unacceptable to bring up someone else's emotional pains; in fact, I think that's the very point, is that before anyone will listen, folks need a defender. A person can't say "that was hurtful to me", but instead have to say "what you said was insulting to (person or people)!"

There's no over-riding point to this. I'm just curious if anyone out there can say "Oh, sure, in X circumstance, it's perfectly fine to say 'what you did/said hurt my feelings'", even if it's not with a close friend, lover, or family member.

It was strange that there would be such surprise by the director, both that his co-workers didn't bring it up before, and that he never even thought to ask.

Comments

[beaq.livejournal.com]

It's totally OK. It just might get you sneered at, because people are defensive and self-righteous. But I guess you have to expect that from relative strangers and be pleasantly surprised when it doesn't happen. But who looks like the idiot there?

It's not usually OK to do it publicly, though. It would be *interesting*, to say the least, if someone went on TV and said "that really sucked and hurt and I wish you hadn't done it."

What isn't usually done is for underlings and co-workers to express personal anger. Especially if they're minorities who are frequently perceived as whiny.

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

Nod. The reason this has been interesting to me is that a blogger mentioned that these kinds of attitudes don't get handed down, but they evolve, and the evolution of them favors the powerful.

And it was an eye-opening thought. It's so easy to shut down a complaint over a minor-seeming injustice by complaining that people are whining.

[kathrynt.livejournal.com]

Oh I say things like that all the time. To my husband, my friends, co-workers. OK not ALL the time, but frequently.

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

Okay, then there's more hope for the world than I had thought :-).

[zanawake.livejournal.com]

Yes, I think sometimes it's essential to say "What you did/said hurt my feelings..." At our house, probably the next sentence will begin "Next time, please try to..."

Civilization depends upon these things. :)