I'm going to hell for this, aren't I?

[johnpalmer]

J:"Hello?"
(3-5 second pause)
TS:"Hello?"
J: "Hello!"
TS: "Is this John Palmer?"
J: "Who's asking and what's you're business?"
TS: "We're (nameless company) and we're opening up a branch in Seattle"
J: "I'm so very happy for you; economic expansion benefits us all!"
TS: "We would like to give you $300 in gift certificates for this."
J: "Well... I don't know if that's a good idea."
TS: "Don't you want it?"
J: "Well... You're planning to kill me, aren't you?"
TS: (pause)
J: "I've seen your cars following me around and the black helicopters you send when I've evaded the cars! You're trying to kill me, right?"
TS: (slightly more weirded out pause)
J: "This is a setup, right? Lure me in with $300, and the *bang!*, shoot me in the head and leave me dead in a ditch! Would it be too much to ask to kill me in the privacy of my own bedroom? Of course it would be! Dead in a ditch! That's your way, isn't it?"
TS: (pause that can only mean "what the *fuck* is going on here?")
J: "Well, you'd better not try it! I have super powers, you know!"
At this point, the phone gets picked up by TS's supervisor.

Alas, if only I knew that my phone call hadn't been "monitored or recorded for quality assurance purposes", I'd have immediately started talking normally. "A problem? What are you talking about a problem? I was asking him about your business model, and where the store was planning to open, and then he just stopped talking to me!"

I suppose, for the common good, I should get my phone on the "do not call" list ASAP... or at least not answer my phone when I'm in a very strange mood.

Comments

[pagawne.livejournal.com]

John, you are indeed a wicked and evil man, no wonder we all love you.
You have no idea how much I would have porefered a call like that to too many of the horribly obscene one I had to cope with. So often the only thing I could say was to calmly point out they were repeating themselves and then hang up.

[lblanchard.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA....heh....[wipes eyes, catches breath]

Well done.

[kightp.livejournal.com]

*chortle*

What, you didn't get a chance to bring in the chickens?

[caltastic]

You are my hero.

[tsjafo.livejournal.com]

ROFLMAO!

[sagittaria.livejournal.com]

Nicely done!

[blackthornglade.livejournal.com]

You ware a wicked, evil man.

That's why we love you. *cackles*

[kyra-ojosverdes.livejournal.com]

Oh, that is a thing of beauty.

The Do Not Call list has done much to keep my heart rate regular, given my fear of the (home) telephone and the fact that I jump a mile every time the damned thing rings.

[surelars.livejournal.com]

Beautiful.

Oh, and it reminds me again that it really is a good thing that blind commercial calls to a private residence are illegal here. Now, if only we could have the poll'sters outlawed, too.

[janetmiles.livejournal.com]

"I'm so very happy for you; economic expansion benefits us all!"

*falls over laughing*

*gets back up to type*

Have you read Acts of Gord? If not, you should.

[callahanshappy.livejournal.com]

Very wicked!

One of my friends checks the phone number of the caller before picking up. If it is unlisted or he doesn't recognize the number, he starts out with "Mormon Missionaries of Ohio. Thank you for calling and giving me a chance to testify. Blah, Blah, Blah ..." until the supervisor steps in to rescue the caller.

[siliconivy.livejournal.com]

::dies laughing::

THANK YOU for adding a wonderful bright spot to my day. You are wonderfully evil!

[grey-lady.livejournal.com]

After an incredibly stressful weekend, I reduced my husband to hysterical laughter reading this to him. Thanks! :-)

[razordemon.livejournal.com]

Excellent