Relatively good news
Feb. 4th, 2002 01:53 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
johnpalmerWell, looked at from one perspective, my problems of Saturday night had a bright side. First, although I felt like breaking down, I didn't, and both times, it was in situations where there was a real danger of it happening. Next, while I was there I found that I was able to deal with conversations when the opportunity presented itself, and I was able to get out a bit of flattery when appropriate.
I've figured that I should find out where they need volunteers in situations where I might have some regular contact with frequent attendees... having people to gravitate towards in an emergency is always good.
That doesn't help the main problem, which is "panic attacks when considering trying to strike up conversations with complete strangers", but it does fix the effects of that problem.
Plus, who knows... maybe in a year or so I'll be able to write up the perfect "SPCC Guide for the panicked newcomer"
In the meantime, I'm doing some programming tonight... very slowly, and not getting good results, but better "some programming" than "none".
I've figured that I should find out where they need volunteers in situations where I might have some regular contact with frequent attendees... having people to gravitate towards in an emergency is always good.
That doesn't help the main problem, which is "panic attacks when considering trying to strike up conversations with complete strangers", but it does fix the effects of that problem.
Plus, who knows... maybe in a year or so I'll be able to write up the perfect "SPCC Guide for the panicked newcomer"
In the meantime, I'm doing some programming tonight... very slowly, and not getting good results, but better "some programming" than "none".
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Re: Are you sure...
Date: 2002-02-05 04:38 am (UTC)Earlier this year, I decided that, for the most part, I have to consider depression a lifelong condition that I'll always fight against. I went to the Wet Spot recognizing that I *NEED* to have people, especially empathic people (and there are lots of empathic people amongst BDSMers), around me to keep me from sinking as low.
Plus, since pain play helps banish my brainfog when I fall into it, finding people who might be willing to do painplay can be important as well.
So, while you might have more difficulty considering such a step, I also have a much greater reason to do so. I think it's kind of funny sometimes, how someone who falls into suicidal ideation really easily, and who gets actively suicidal much too easily, still has a deep and powerful survival instinct.
Re: Are you sure...
Date: 2002-02-05 07:39 am (UTC)You're welcome. :)
For what it's worth, I think confronting one's fears is an act of bravery, regardless of the motivation for doing so.
And I understand what you say about painplay reducing the brainfog. There is a certain... clarity that can come from sharp, immediate sensation that doesn't happen (or at least, doesn't happen so easily) at other times.
*wistful sigh* It's really time for me to be planning a visit back east soon. Either that or I need to do something about finding a local partner(s).