Scream_5 essay

[johnpalmer]

If I loved you, I’d do it, so I try to do it, and it doesn’t work, so I try again, and it still doesn’t work, and I get into a rage with myself, summoning all of my adrenaline, and I still can’t do it, and I want to throw a tantrum, just throw myself down on the floor and scream for a while, but it doesn’t do any good and leaves you with a sore throat. Hey, eventually, you try everything, and I do mean everything. Slap the wall, that hurts enough, to wake you up for moment, and you can hope you stay awake, but you never do. It didn’t even work for your parents, once the fear and adrenaline rush of a spanking wore off, so why would it work for you, when you know how noisy and whiny your stupid brain is?

I have to do it now, you see, if I loved you, I’d do it, but not “someday,” I’d do it now, you see, right now, and sure, the best time to plant an oak is a hundred years ago, next best is today, but you could have been too exhausted the whole effing hundred years! You can’t wait for your body to get better, you have to live your life, with other people, now! If you don’t, you’ll die, so….