final duties...

[johnpalmer]

Skitty wasn't exactly a companion. I was her protector - she needed one, and I wouldn't hand that duty off to anyone. I was the only one I knew she trusted - and she didn't trust me all *that* much. I might want to give her medicine, or trim her nails, or, when she's wandering in the awful, scary, outside world, grab her, and yank her back to the safety of our home.

But she mostly trusted me; she knew that if she wanted "down", she'd (usually) get put down, and if someone needed to pick her up, better me than someone else. And, hey, I was the supplier of the cat food, and the producer of the Great Water Bubble Monster, and sometimes, a warm body to lay on top of on a chilly night.

And I protected an itty bitty kitty from the dangers of a harsh world.

Last night, I was able to spoon-feed her some baby food. The tumor had made it so she could only lick sideways; she was drooling a lot, and soaking her mouth frequently. She was still present - she was still Skitty - but she was awfully tired.

I wasn't sure she'd last the night. But she did.

I made myself some eggs with cheese for breakfast. She was (barely) able to leap up to a chair, and then to the table, to get some. I kept her away until I'd eaten my half (remember, constantly drooling...), and then chopped them up as fine as I could, and pushed the plate to her.

She couldn't eat anything. She may have gotten a few tiny scraps down. She was hungry; she was trying; but now, I could no longer protect her from hunger.

I'm not sure I had to take her to the vet today. How do you know how a cat processes hunger when cancer is swiftly killing her? But, yesterday, I could try to protect her from the worst ravages of the disease, I could still feel I was helping. And this morning, I realized I'd protected her all I could.

I took her to the vet, asked them to sedate her first, let her relax from the car ride, and then, to give her final release from suffering.

And if there's an fair afterlife, she's now in a place with many crafty, cozy hiding places - but nothing to hide from. A place with great heights to scale, and many feats of daring to perform, with nothing to move, and startle a surprisingly-scaredy-cat. A place with bubbling brooks and waterfalls, and evil water bubble monsters, and laser pointers, and soft coats on the backs of couches.

And a few trusted guardians, to watch over tiny kitties, and keep them safe from harm.

Comments

[mama-hogswatch.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry. Yes, you did the absolute right thing. But, God... that's hard.

[pagawne.livejournal.com]

John, I am so sorry this had to happen. I am certain she is happy whee she is, and safe.

Hugs and tea offered.

[janetmiles.livejournal.com]

I am so very sorry for your loss. You protected Skitty to the very end, granting her a gentle passing without pain or fear.

May her afterlife be everything you dream for her, and may time make the bright memories shine.

[wcg.livejournal.com]

It's just so damn hard sometimes, doing the right thing. I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. I'm sure she wouldn't have traded her life with you for the world.

[awryday.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry, John. We make a terrible emotional bargain with the creatures we bring into our lives. And for the immense joy, there is this final service we can do for them. You were a good friend in the way she needed.

Thinking of you today.

[elainegrey.livejournal.com]

My thoughts are with you, with great appreciation for your protection of a kitty.

[dubhain.livejournal.com]

I am so, so sorry about Skitty. I've made the same decision, and it's hellishly difficult to decide when.

She was a lucky cat, to have you in her life.

Wishing you well.

[valkyrwench.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry, John. You protected her very well, and she was wonderfully lucky to have such a valiant guardian.

[tiger-spot.livejournal.com]

::hugs::

...

[the-ogre.livejournal.com]

Always difficult, and definitely the right thing to do.

[kshandra]

'bye, Skitty.

[iamjw.livejournal.com]

*hugs* You did right by her; that's all any of us can do.

[ms-interpret.livejournal.com]

Everyone's already said it, but you did the right thing. The damned hard, totally miserable right thing. I'm so sorry for your loss. She was a lucky Skitty to have found a wonderful human like you.

[ztrooper.livejournal.com]

my condolences on your loss. *hugs*

[siptah.livejournal.com]

*hugs* it's never easy to let them go, but sometimes it is all you can offer them. I'm sure she'll be waiting for you at the Rainbow Bridge when the time comes.

[tsjafo.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[pernishus.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry you had to go through this necessary thing, John.

[griffen.livejournal.com]

This, dammit. This.

[ftemery.livejournal.com]

How beautifully you put what others of us have suffered through as well, and your writing brought me some peace that I didn't have before. My sympathy, and thank you.

[sfw-dc.livejournal.com]

I'm very sorry.

[phoenixpdx.livejournal.com]

*hug* It is the hardest thing I know about having an animal, and while every one of our decisions over the years has been different, each one has been difficult yet necessary. Your heart told you the right thing to do, and you did it. And now I believe she will be waiting for you at the Rainbow Bridge, frolicking and enjoying herself in the meanwhile.

[laurarey.livejournal.com]

Many hugs sent to you....and you're in my prayers.

[suzilem.livejournal.com]

hugs and you're in my thoughts.

[erin-c-1978.livejournal.com]

You did right by her, in life and death both. I'm very sorry for your loss.

[wordweaverlynn.livejournal.com]

(in tears)

I am so sorry for your loss, and glad that Skitty had you to protect her -- right to the end.