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Dec. 6th, 2017 08:44 amWow... it's been a long time since I've been able to follow Dreamwidth. I always like the thought of saying it's because of some wonderful thing - heck, even a new video game I'm addicted to would be kind of cool!
But it's more prosaic, and not without happymaking stuff.
But first, a quotable bumper sticker equivalent: "Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver." (It was actually printed on a SUV's rear window.)
In September, my hip really started to unlock. I was using and feeling muscles I didn't know about. THIS WAS WONDERFUL! Except for the constant pain and difficulty sleeping from "heavy leg syndrome". (I don't know if that's a real name, but legs are heavy, I was sleeping on a mattress on its last whatever-mattresses-use-since-they-don't-have-legs. The springs actually gave me a 4-5 inch scrape as a going away present. Yeah, that bad. And legs *are* heavy, and my pains were all due to muscle soreness, which is worse when there's less support of the lower back, hip, thighs (... calves, feet, upper back, arms....) than would be needed to avoid any stress on those muscles.
I kind of lost September, starting around the 8th, as well as October and November. The pain, the fatigue, the tough time sleeping... and, each day thinking "well, maybe another *week* of this, *maximum*." My beloveds had cause to get tired of hearing me say "I'm sure I'm working on the last muscle group now."
Last Wednesday night, under the beneficial effects of THC, and the standard leg shifting/twisting/lifting I couldn't help doing, I had a weird moment, where it felt like floodgates had opened - neural pathways seemed to be channeling impulses at a crazy rate, and I suddenly realized that every pain I had - every single one! - was a twist, and I got up and did squats to find them and untwist them.
Um. Side note: my *left* hip was locked (a "tilted pelvis", which I'd thought was a way for a chiropractors to get you to come in for sessions, since "subluxation" wasn't working... um... where was I? Right! Tilted! They do tilt. It's real. Okay: but, my *right* hip, and lower back, had started hurting, and the right lower back was giving me spasms.
This makes sense, of course - since I wasn't using the muscles on my left hip right, the right hip's muscles had to partly take up slack, and partly weren't engaging right on their own, and were atrophying.
So: I was doing this for both legs, finding, and untwisting, each pain. I'm sure I didn't get *everything* but it was a massive improvement. If you stand, shoulder width apart, and try to clench your whole butt, there are muscles on top and in front of your hips that you'll feel. Okay, well, those muscles were now on top, or in front, *without* having to deliberately clench and feel for them.
What I think happened was, I suddenly could consciously engage my inner thigh muscles, and a lot of my outer thigh muscles had only recently started to engage. (They were *rear* thigh muscles, earlier!) So, now, things that were working wrong because they weren't supposed to use my outer thigh muscles and I had to find the inner thigh muscles that were supposed to do things (or were supposed to stabilize the outer thigh muscles in whatever they were doing).
It was really hard work, but it felt kind of like a whole-body orgasm in some ways. Not pleasant, exactly, but *that* much sensation. (And not *unpleasaant*, just, you know, the difference between a good just-right massage, and, you know, *orgasm*.)
Thursday I slept almost through the day. I think I was awake four hours total, mostly in bed or taking care of necessities (like calling in sick). Friday, I "only" slept about 16 hours.
And now, its down to just some pain, just some stiffness, just some muscles to work. Except for one thing.
I don't know why, but when I struggle to get my legs, hip, and lower back working right, my jaw tightens up. That's been part of the problem - it causes headaches and tension and it doesn't matter how consciously I try not to do it - it happens. I feel vaguely like, "okay there's this set of nerves that are close in the spine, and I'm not able to find the right one, so there's some bleedover to nearby neurons". Like line noise on analog cables too tightly bundled. (I am pretty sure that's impossible - the spine doesn't feed the jaw. But I'm saying how it *feels*.) That's where I am now (clenching my jaw as I right this).
Massage therapy was a huge help - I found a wonderful therapist who thinks like me. Hear a problem, and think *broadly* about it. "If he can't bend over and push his butt back, then it must involve X, Y, and Z...". Alas, she moved to another clinic, but I don't need that same level of attention any longer.
Anyway: I've been exhausted. But now I an wiggle my hips, *from* my hips, and not from my abdomen. When I twist my body, I can feel muscles in my hip engaging as well - I'm not just turning about my spine. And I'm not well, and I still have chronic fatigue, and I'm still having some sleep troubles, but I'm feeling like life is returning to "normal" given all that. I hope so. I worked from home the past three weeks solid, and was starting to once again ponder disability - would I *ever* get better?
So: that's a huge relief, and some welcome good news to report.
I hope life is treating you all well, and happily.
But it's more prosaic, and not without happymaking stuff.
But first, a quotable bumper sticker equivalent: "Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver." (It was actually printed on a SUV's rear window.)
In September, my hip really started to unlock. I was using and feeling muscles I didn't know about. THIS WAS WONDERFUL! Except for the constant pain and difficulty sleeping from "heavy leg syndrome". (I don't know if that's a real name, but legs are heavy, I was sleeping on a mattress on its last whatever-mattresses-use-since-they-don't-have-legs. The springs actually gave me a 4-5 inch scrape as a going away present. Yeah, that bad. And legs *are* heavy, and my pains were all due to muscle soreness, which is worse when there's less support of the lower back, hip, thighs (... calves, feet, upper back, arms....) than would be needed to avoid any stress on those muscles.
I kind of lost September, starting around the 8th, as well as October and November. The pain, the fatigue, the tough time sleeping... and, each day thinking "well, maybe another *week* of this, *maximum*." My beloveds had cause to get tired of hearing me say "I'm sure I'm working on the last muscle group now."
Last Wednesday night, under the beneficial effects of THC, and the standard leg shifting/twisting/lifting I couldn't help doing, I had a weird moment, where it felt like floodgates had opened - neural pathways seemed to be channeling impulses at a crazy rate, and I suddenly realized that every pain I had - every single one! - was a twist, and I got up and did squats to find them and untwist them.
Um. Side note: my *left* hip was locked (a "tilted pelvis", which I'd thought was a way for a chiropractors to get you to come in for sessions, since "subluxation" wasn't working... um... where was I? Right! Tilted! They do tilt. It's real. Okay: but, my *right* hip, and lower back, had started hurting, and the right lower back was giving me spasms.
This makes sense, of course - since I wasn't using the muscles on my left hip right, the right hip's muscles had to partly take up slack, and partly weren't engaging right on their own, and were atrophying.
So: I was doing this for both legs, finding, and untwisting, each pain. I'm sure I didn't get *everything* but it was a massive improvement. If you stand, shoulder width apart, and try to clench your whole butt, there are muscles on top and in front of your hips that you'll feel. Okay, well, those muscles were now on top, or in front, *without* having to deliberately clench and feel for them.
What I think happened was, I suddenly could consciously engage my inner thigh muscles, and a lot of my outer thigh muscles had only recently started to engage. (They were *rear* thigh muscles, earlier!) So, now, things that were working wrong because they weren't supposed to use my outer thigh muscles and I had to find the inner thigh muscles that were supposed to do things (or were supposed to stabilize the outer thigh muscles in whatever they were doing).
It was really hard work, but it felt kind of like a whole-body orgasm in some ways. Not pleasant, exactly, but *that* much sensation. (And not *unpleasaant*, just, you know, the difference between a good just-right massage, and, you know, *orgasm*.)
Thursday I slept almost through the day. I think I was awake four hours total, mostly in bed or taking care of necessities (like calling in sick). Friday, I "only" slept about 16 hours.
And now, its down to just some pain, just some stiffness, just some muscles to work. Except for one thing.
I don't know why, but when I struggle to get my legs, hip, and lower back working right, my jaw tightens up. That's been part of the problem - it causes headaches and tension and it doesn't matter how consciously I try not to do it - it happens. I feel vaguely like, "okay there's this set of nerves that are close in the spine, and I'm not able to find the right one, so there's some bleedover to nearby neurons". Like line noise on analog cables too tightly bundled. (I am pretty sure that's impossible - the spine doesn't feed the jaw. But I'm saying how it *feels*.) That's where I am now (clenching my jaw as I right this).
Massage therapy was a huge help - I found a wonderful therapist who thinks like me. Hear a problem, and think *broadly* about it. "If he can't bend over and push his butt back, then it must involve X, Y, and Z...". Alas, she moved to another clinic, but I don't need that same level of attention any longer.
Anyway: I've been exhausted. But now I an wiggle my hips, *from* my hips, and not from my abdomen. When I twist my body, I can feel muscles in my hip engaging as well - I'm not just turning about my spine. And I'm not well, and I still have chronic fatigue, and I'm still having some sleep troubles, but I'm feeling like life is returning to "normal" given all that. I hope so. I worked from home the past three weeks solid, and was starting to once again ponder disability - would I *ever* get better?
So: that's a huge relief, and some welcome good news to report.
I hope life is treating you all well, and happily.
