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So, Tuesday - 40 minute workout, followed by a second. Wow. That was fun, and cool, and I got to watch 80 minutes of TV (well, Netflix, DVDs, etc.), without having even a hint of a reason to feel guilty.
I've been jogging between buildings, taking the stairs instead of the elevator, buying some sweets for pre-exercise munching... hell, if I'd wanted to, I could have had a pancake breakfast and hiked back home.
And today... I have to remind myself to rein it in. No more exercising.
Well... some history.
Tuesday, 80 minutes of work triggered my symptoms - frequent palpitations, clumsiness, my brain was... well, impaired *for me*.
Wednesday, I did a more-intense workout -nothing that left me panting mind you, but one I knew was going to push my heart rate up. Thursday, I hit my "reactive only" state. I could imagine writing up a blog post or a short story, but it wouldn't happen. Ask me a question? I'll answer it. Show me a problem to solve? I'll solve it but with a lot more brute-force than normal.
So, I rested yesterday. Today, I feel a bit better. But I'm intensely aware that if I went for a good, brisk walk to clear my head which is feeling a bit foggy, I'd feel worse tomorrow. So I can't.
And you know something? That sucks. Yeah, you could mock it a bit. "Oooh, poor boy can't run a marathon. You know who else can't? Paraplegics. A lot of amputees. Quadriplegics. Folks with severe RA. Folks with actual CFS and fibromyalgia. You could have it a lot worse!"
You could mock it a bit, and it wouldn't be wrong, if I was being continuously melodramatic about it.
But it's important to validate it. It's important to admit it sucks. It's important to accept that there's some mourning associated with this loss. It's okay to moan a bit that my feet hurt, because I have no shoes... so long as I'm willing to volunteer to do a bit of fetching for the guy who has no feet.
It's important to validate my feelings and my losses. And yes, it's also important to maintain perspective. It could be far, far worse.
I've been jogging between buildings, taking the stairs instead of the elevator, buying some sweets for pre-exercise munching... hell, if I'd wanted to, I could have had a pancake breakfast and hiked back home.
And today... I have to remind myself to rein it in. No more exercising.
Well... some history.
Tuesday, 80 minutes of work triggered my symptoms - frequent palpitations, clumsiness, my brain was... well, impaired *for me*.
Wednesday, I did a more-intense workout -nothing that left me panting mind you, but one I knew was going to push my heart rate up. Thursday, I hit my "reactive only" state. I could imagine writing up a blog post or a short story, but it wouldn't happen. Ask me a question? I'll answer it. Show me a problem to solve? I'll solve it but with a lot more brute-force than normal.
So, I rested yesterday. Today, I feel a bit better. But I'm intensely aware that if I went for a good, brisk walk to clear my head which is feeling a bit foggy, I'd feel worse tomorrow. So I can't.
And you know something? That sucks. Yeah, you could mock it a bit. "Oooh, poor boy can't run a marathon. You know who else can't? Paraplegics. A lot of amputees. Quadriplegics. Folks with severe RA. Folks with actual CFS and fibromyalgia. You could have it a lot worse!"
You could mock it a bit, and it wouldn't be wrong, if I was being continuously melodramatic about it.
But it's important to validate it. It's important to admit it sucks. It's important to accept that there's some mourning associated with this loss. It's okay to moan a bit that my feet hurt, because I have no shoes... so long as I'm willing to volunteer to do a bit of fetching for the guy who has no feet.
It's important to validate my feelings and my losses. And yes, it's also important to maintain perspective. It could be far, far worse.
