Wires removed...

The four day EEG is done. I exercised hard the last two days, and triggered some symptoms, but I think they were minor. They have EEGs of me being super-fatigued, which may or may not help. There are EEG markers for mental fatigue, and if my doctor can prove that I have that, it might open up some avenues for exploration.

("But it won't," says my brain. Which is in despair state, because I didn't have any blatant symptoms except very briefly today, and because the Provigil is too dangerous for me to take - four days after stopping it, my mouth and throat are still healing from the damage. Since I'm not ketogenic, I planned to enjoy some foods I rarely or never eat - but I can't because my mouth is too sore.)

And there's always a chance - a desperate chance - that my EEG shows something that I considered normal, but to a trained neurologist says "that's definitely pre-seizure or mild seizure activity". After all, I have no idea what's normal. And there is an instance of exercising triggering extreme emotions - which was my hope would be seizure-like.

And I still have the standard EEG to do and I know how to prep for that... exercise hard the day before and the day of (about 2-3 hours prior) and then go in.

But I won't deny it. I'm not feeling good. I'm tired, my mood is low (both of these due to the heavy exercise). Of all the weeks... I felt like I could feel something starting a few times, but each time, I was able to pull back from it.

Um. A warning here: I've been having symptoms for 20+ years. Please don't suggest that having four relatively good days is good news. I've had good days, good weeks, maybe a good month once in a while.

In addition to this, my dry eyes act up when I exercise, and they've added a new "trick" to their repertoire: my vision is going cloudy sometimes.

On the plus side, my doctor has agreed to prescribe higher doses of Ritalin, or Adderall, or even the dex-based meds for fatigue for me. And there's still Strattera, which is a norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor. Since I can bull through my fatigue if I'm excited or emotional, maybe pumping up norepi will help.

There's still hope, even without answers. It's just hard to feel it right now, in part because my body is worn out.

While on the subject of my health, a question for the fitness minded

Here's something that's bugged me a bit.

Imagine this. I'm on my treadmill. I'm working pretty hard. It's a physical effort, right? And my heart rate is rising, but it's only at 148, 150 - and let's pretend that this is back in my 30s, just so you don't say "dude, you're going to be *50* soon enough".

It will start to hurt. Emotionally. I feel like I could just scream, or tantrum. I often wondered, how the *hell* did people *do* this? And I assumed it just had to get better. (It did, in the sense that the amount of energy I could expend to hit that point increased, but whether I was jogging at 5 mph or 6.8mph, once I hit that heart rate, I tended to have that reaction.)

It doesn't quite hurt *physically*. I mean, it definitely doesn't hurt physically. It's *uncomfortable* physically, but it's not like it's painful. And my body doesn't experience failure, okay? I can sometimes break into tears, or fly into a bit of a rage *and keep walking/jogging*, in no danger of missing a step. It hurts like deep disapproval of someone you dearly love and respect, like the whole world is crushing down on your soul, but I know my body hasn't reached a limit.

And again, *my heart rate isn't near the danger zone*. This is key. If my heart rate was at 180, hell yes, my body is screaming for oxygen, that's why I feel like that.

More importantly, when I hit 150 on my cardiac stress test, I felt this thing click, but none of the indicators they were reviewing showed so much as a blip that concerned them. The cardiologist said that *whatever* was affecting me, it was *not* my heart. So... let's just trust them. Because who opens themself up to huge malpractice suits if they're not 100% scientifically certain? And I kept going on the stress test until my heart hit the 170s. So, yeah, I still had capacity.


Could someone who's done heavy exercise over a time tell me if I'm right in calling this out as very strange? Military folks, or folks who were competitive athletes, or who trained as if for competition?

(Maybe this is a stupid question, but I'm feeling scared and a bit despairing, so I'm trying to think and analyze to ward off the emotional bogeymen.)