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Happy birthday to me...
Sep. 19th, 2014 10:24 amSo, my birthday was good, the day after was pretty good, the weekend after was okay - and I fell off a cliff somewhere, and I'm not sure if I'm climbing upward or not.
Once again, I've got a lot of variables going on. Had a surprisingly stressful (though very brief) encounter with an ex, my carbohydrates ticked up a bit (so it might be loss of ketogenesis), and other stresses popped in.
Depression is really bad this week, but in a decent kind of way. I'm feeling things and sometimes very intensely, and I haven't fallen into tired numbness.
Emotional energy is a bit risky, I think, if I have TLE, because it seems that emotional states can trigger problems. But *staying* emotional means I haven't triggered anything bad enough to make me tired and numb.
So: I'm trying to stay positive about that and look on the bright side. But it's not easy, and OMG have I been having a lot of "I just want to make it all stop! I'm tired of this!" thoughts.
At least I'll have answers to some of this, *if* my insurance ever gets through. It hasn't yet. But I'm also having a bit of "No, I don't want the testing, what if it comes back negative?" Which is silly, but I will admit, I am more than a bit nervous about that.
Hm. And now, the eternal quandary of the depressed poster: "I have nothing much to share in my life that's not a statement that things aren't much better, why should I post this?" But it's a good sign if I can write and post anything, so I think I will.
Once again, I've got a lot of variables going on. Had a surprisingly stressful (though very brief) encounter with an ex, my carbohydrates ticked up a bit (so it might be loss of ketogenesis), and other stresses popped in.
Depression is really bad this week, but in a decent kind of way. I'm feeling things and sometimes very intensely, and I haven't fallen into tired numbness.
Emotional energy is a bit risky, I think, if I have TLE, because it seems that emotional states can trigger problems. But *staying* emotional means I haven't triggered anything bad enough to make me tired and numb.
So: I'm trying to stay positive about that and look on the bright side. But it's not easy, and OMG have I been having a lot of "I just want to make it all stop! I'm tired of this!" thoughts.
At least I'll have answers to some of this, *if* my insurance ever gets through. It hasn't yet. But I'm also having a bit of "No, I don't want the testing, what if it comes back negative?" Which is silly, but I will admit, I am more than a bit nervous about that.
Hm. And now, the eternal quandary of the depressed poster: "I have nothing much to share in my life that's not a statement that things aren't much better, why should I post this?" But it's a good sign if I can write and post anything, so I think I will.
