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Complicated news
Jun. 23rd, 2012 07:23 pmSo... the good news, with beta blockers, I can run harder and faster than before.
The bad news is that on 25mg, I get somewhat wiped after exercise, and on 50mg of beta blockers, I don't - I just get somewhat wiped from the beta blockers.
I'm on 25mg, and I've managed to do two relatively hard workouts (including another 30 minutes at 6mph), so I guess that's where I'm stuck for now.
The good news is, I've started losing weight again, and instead of bouncing between 225 and 235, I think I hit an honest 225 today. Since weight loss (in my case - where I have a lot of visceral fat to lose to see if that improves my health and sugar control) is what I most need right now, that's good.
The bad is, I'm more aware of losing time and energy, and becoming more and more upset by it.
Losing time - you know, like, when you wake up at 8, and think if you can do X by noon, it'll be good, and next thing you know, it's after noon, and you didn't get *anything* done? When a 15 minute run to the grocery store seems so awful that you don't do it until the next day, and in the interim, you feel like an idiot for not having made the grocery run when you had the bleeding chance?
The good news is, I'm an old hand at being depressed. The bad news is, I know that, right now, part of my depression is caused by my choices. If I don't work out hard on a day, I'll feel better. Sometimes I'll feel *good*. But right now, I'm afraid of that. If I let myself get seduced by feeling good, I might not be willing to make the sacrifice again.
It's not even been six months - not for another week. So, I have to hold out at least that long. But I have decided that I have to - *have to* - hold myself to no more than 30 minutes at 6 miles an hour, unless and until it becomes *comfortable*. Because the stupidest joke of all would be making myself miserable by continuing to push myself harder and harder, hoping for a breakthrough, and missing it entirely.
The bad news is that on 25mg, I get somewhat wiped after exercise, and on 50mg of beta blockers, I don't - I just get somewhat wiped from the beta blockers.
I'm on 25mg, and I've managed to do two relatively hard workouts (including another 30 minutes at 6mph), so I guess that's where I'm stuck for now.
The good news is, I've started losing weight again, and instead of bouncing between 225 and 235, I think I hit an honest 225 today. Since weight loss (in my case - where I have a lot of visceral fat to lose to see if that improves my health and sugar control) is what I most need right now, that's good.
The bad is, I'm more aware of losing time and energy, and becoming more and more upset by it.
Losing time - you know, like, when you wake up at 8, and think if you can do X by noon, it'll be good, and next thing you know, it's after noon, and you didn't get *anything* done? When a 15 minute run to the grocery store seems so awful that you don't do it until the next day, and in the interim, you feel like an idiot for not having made the grocery run when you had the bleeding chance?
The good news is, I'm an old hand at being depressed. The bad news is, I know that, right now, part of my depression is caused by my choices. If I don't work out hard on a day, I'll feel better. Sometimes I'll feel *good*. But right now, I'm afraid of that. If I let myself get seduced by feeling good, I might not be willing to make the sacrifice again.
It's not even been six months - not for another week. So, I have to hold out at least that long. But I have decided that I have to - *have to* - hold myself to no more than 30 minutes at 6 miles an hour, unless and until it becomes *comfortable*. Because the stupidest joke of all would be making myself miserable by continuing to push myself harder and harder, hoping for a breakthrough, and missing it entirely.
