Statistics professors?

Is anyone in my friend's list a statistics professor or know one?

I've been having a hankering to learn statistics better, but I don't know where to start.

I want to learn the math behind them - this is relatively easy, I'm a mathematician, I know the lingo, and I studied real analysis enough to be able to deep dive into the math behind the prob and stats I've seen. But the reason I was not able to pursue studies in mathematics is that I'm interested in applications, not just "the math". I want to learn how statistics are used, not just how they work.

I want to learn how they are used, and when. When is X_test used, and when is it useful?

And finally, who watches the watchmen? How is it determined that X_Test is a useful measure for Y_Event, and good methods for gathering the numbers for X_Test?

I'm looking to find some good textbooks to give me a foundation to learn more.

Can anyone out there help, or have any ideas on how to get more information?