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Apr. 26th, 2007 09:04 pmI have, for reasons I can't quite discern, been having fits of depression the past couple weeks. "Fits" is a good word for it. Just spontaneous "realizations" that no one really loves me, everything I've said or done today is wrong and hurtful, and life isn't really going to get any better.
One thing it's done is it's helped me understand mindfulness a bit better. If and when I can step away from this, and think about "Okay, so, right now, I'm experiencing what it feels like to have the irrational belief that no one cares about me, and that I'm stupid and clumsily hurtful" it helps. It doesn't help in the sense of making it all go away, but it really does help me think about it as something that is wrong, and will pass, like a cold, rather than as something that is real and meaningful.
It's a matter of realizing that I am not my brain, my mind, my emotional state, and my body all globbed together. I can *feel* depressed, without being depressed. The depression is not me; it's something affecting me.
Now that I've exercised, and tried to meditate, and tried to do some positive writing that shows off how much I'm learning and what a great therapist or researcher I might be someday, I'm going back to an old fashioned depression treatment: buttered popcorn.
(I have popcorn mojo. I can even make JiffyPop without burning it. Don't you dare try to convince me that it doesn't take some kind of magic to do that!)
One thing it's done is it's helped me understand mindfulness a bit better. If and when I can step away from this, and think about "Okay, so, right now, I'm experiencing what it feels like to have the irrational belief that no one cares about me, and that I'm stupid and clumsily hurtful" it helps. It doesn't help in the sense of making it all go away, but it really does help me think about it as something that is wrong, and will pass, like a cold, rather than as something that is real and meaningful.
It's a matter of realizing that I am not my brain, my mind, my emotional state, and my body all globbed together. I can *feel* depressed, without being depressed. The depression is not me; it's something affecting me.
Now that I've exercised, and tried to meditate, and tried to do some positive writing that shows off how much I'm learning and what a great therapist or researcher I might be someday, I'm going back to an old fashioned depression treatment: buttered popcorn.
(I have popcorn mojo. I can even make JiffyPop without burning it. Don't you dare try to convince me that it doesn't take some kind of magic to do that!)
