(no subject)

So... I've had an emotionally exhausting week. Why? Well, some of it's semi-sorta-confidential. Some of it's just bad luck. My cats got out briefly; both came home safely, but while I'm not too nervous about Chibi getting out (he knows how to find his way home - but there are cars, other wildlife, and other dangers for *any* animal, and hell, he's getting up there in years)), I've had nightmares about Skitty getting out. She's the "find a place to hide, and hole up" cat. Well, this entire apartment complex is "a place to hide". The apartments are on raised floors; there's a crawlspace (well, crawlspace for a cat) under my entire building, and, I'm sure, under other buildings. The last two times she got out (at my last apartment complex), she didn't come out just because I was calling, even if I had food. So, she could easily find a hiding place where I couldn't find her.

Friday, I started asking myself the question that I think is most important in emotionally exhausted states. What, exactly, am I looking for? What would make me happy?

Because, my experience is that, once you're already in an emotionally exhausted state, it's easy to stay there; it becomes a matter of inertia.

I was thinking about that, when I ended up sleeping through Friday night, from when I got home until morning. And then I ended up sleeping through until 5 today, with a few brief breaks for computer use and some new worries.

(What kind of worries? Well, I was sitting a bit funny, and then got a back cramp, right over my left kidney. You know, not a serious charlie horse, but one of those, if you don't find *just* the right position, the muscles will seize up again? Suddenly, I'm wondering if I'm about to find that a kidney stone is about to strike. Plus, there's the whole "sleeping nearly 24 hours? What's up with that?")

I'm still working on the whole "What do I want?"

Part of it is, sure, I'd like to go back in time, make a few minor alterations and make things have worked out better. What things? Well... as much as anything else, my own responses.

As for the rest, well... I think I want to go back to bed. Which suggests, to me, at least, that it's probably the best course of action.

(no subject)

So... I've had an emotionally exhausting week. Why? Well, some of it's semi-sorta-confidential. Some of it's just bad luck. My cats got out briefly; both came home safely, but while I'm not too nervous about Chibi getting out (he knows how to find his way home - but there are cars, other wildlife, and other dangers for *any* animal, and hell, he's getting up there in years)), I've had nightmares about Skitty getting out. She's the "find a place to hide, and hole up" cat. Well, this entire apartment complex is "a place to hide". The apartments are on raised floors; there's a crawlspace (well, crawlspace for a cat) under my entire building, and, I'm sure, under other buildings. The last two times she got out (at my last apartment complex), she didn't come out just because I was calling, even if I had food. So, she could easily find a hiding place where I couldn't find her.

Friday, I started asking myself the question that I think is most important in emotionally exhausted states. What, exactly, am I looking for? What would make me happy?

Because, my experience is that, once you're already in an emotionally exhausted state, it's easy to stay there; it becomes a matter of inertia.

I was thinking about that, when I ended up sleeping through Friday night, from when I got home until morning. And then I ended up sleeping through until 5 today, with a few brief breaks for computer use and some new worries.

(What kind of worries? Well, I was sitting a bit funny, and then got a back cramp, right over my left kidney. You know, not a serious charlie horse, but one of those, if you don't find *just* the right position, the muscles will seize up again? Suddenly, I'm wondering if I'm about to find that a kidney stone is about to strike. Plus, there's the whole "sleeping nearly 24 hours? What's up with that?")

I'm still working on the whole "What do I want?"

Part of it is, sure, I'd like to go back in time, make a few minor alterations and make things have worked out better. What things? Well... as much as anything else, my own responses.

As for the rest, well... I think I want to go back to bed. Which suggests, to me, at least, that it's probably the best course of action.