(no subject)
Sep. 23rd, 2001 05:27 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
johnpalmerSigh. I'd been thinking of discontinuing this journal, and now I'm stuck trying to think where to move.
The problem here was that I felt like this would be a partly private place to talk. And, for a while no one found anything I didn't put out with the hopes everyone would find it. But, then it got found at a bad time and in bad circumstances, and I felt vulnerable. So, I wiped everything.
But then, like so many of my paradoxical feelings, I realized I was even more frightened of hiding than I was of being visible.
A few people have seen me say that the world will pass you by, forget about you, and let you die, and it seems like a condemnation of humanity, but it's not. Hell, there was a time when I found out a good friend had cancer. Now (coinflip to decide which gender to use) she didn't tell everyone, but I felt there was something horrible about the universe that a good friend could be suffering a lot (I don't think the physical parts were all that bad, but it's never "good" or "okay", I reckon) and be completely unaware of it.
Well, life is like that. We humans only notice things we can notice with our senses (note that I didn't restrict it to 5 senses, however), and we won't notice a person at home, lonely and depressed unless we see them.
Being visible isn't just a sacrament... it's a survival trait.
And, really, I don't have any other names that are visible. Oh, I suppose I could try changing my account to jpalmer, or jdpalmer, or something, but what's the point?
So I guess I have to try to keep up with thing again. But, since I'm at work, I don't think I'm writing anything more today.
The problem here was that I felt like this would be a partly private place to talk. And, for a while no one found anything I didn't put out with the hopes everyone would find it. But, then it got found at a bad time and in bad circumstances, and I felt vulnerable. So, I wiped everything.
But then, like so many of my paradoxical feelings, I realized I was even more frightened of hiding than I was of being visible.
A few people have seen me say that the world will pass you by, forget about you, and let you die, and it seems like a condemnation of humanity, but it's not. Hell, there was a time when I found out a good friend had cancer. Now (coinflip to decide which gender to use) she didn't tell everyone, but I felt there was something horrible about the universe that a good friend could be suffering a lot (I don't think the physical parts were all that bad, but it's never "good" or "okay", I reckon) and be completely unaware of it.
Well, life is like that. We humans only notice things we can notice with our senses (note that I didn't restrict it to 5 senses, however), and we won't notice a person at home, lonely and depressed unless we see them.
Being visible isn't just a sacrament... it's a survival trait.
And, really, I don't have any other names that are visible. Oh, I suppose I could try changing my account to jpalmer, or jdpalmer, or something, but what's the point?
So I guess I have to try to keep up with thing again. But, since I'm at work, I don't think I'm writing anything more today.
