Nod. I'm not feeling like a failure, really, honestly. I'm feeling frustrated.
An earlier time, at a younger age, and probably running slower, I went from 4 minutes to 4.5, to 5, to 6, to 7, to 10, to 15, to 22, very quickly. Well, I was younger (not a lot, but I'm 40 now, and that's getting towards the steeper downslope for youthful vigor), probably running slower (and hell, probably not necessarily walking as fast when resting), and maybe lighter.
Sure, it's all sensible, and I'm at peace, more or less, and recognizing that I'm more likely to do something stupid if I let my frustration out.
But it's like realizing that too much pepperoni pizza is a bad thing for me. Yeah, I know, but, damn it... I want my pepperoni pizza! In unlimited quantities! And I want a hot fudge sundae for dessert! And I want to lose weight while eating this way! And *what's the big idea* of the universe *not* being run to *my* specifications, in order to gratify *my* desires? And you know, back when I was three or four years old and I asked my parents to buy me a suit that would let me fly, why didn't they come through for me? I didn't ask for something *impossible* like a pony, or something!
Um. I'm letting my inner brat get carried away now, aren't I?
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2007-05-18 06:54 pm (UTC)An earlier time, at a younger age, and probably running slower, I went from 4 minutes to 4.5, to 5, to 6, to 7, to 10, to 15, to 22, very quickly. Well, I was younger (not a lot, but I'm 40 now, and that's getting towards the steeper downslope for youthful vigor), probably running slower (and hell, probably not necessarily walking as fast when resting), and maybe lighter.
Sure, it's all sensible, and I'm at peace, more or less, and recognizing that I'm more likely to do something stupid if I let my frustration out.
But it's like realizing that too much pepperoni pizza is a bad thing for me. Yeah, I know, but, damn it... I want my pepperoni pizza! In unlimited quantities! And I want a hot fudge sundae for dessert! And I want to lose weight while eating this way! And *what's the big idea* of the universe *not* being run to *my* specifications, in order to gratify *my* desires? And you know, back when I was three or four years old and I asked my parents to buy me a suit that would let me fly, why didn't they come through for me? I didn't ask for something *impossible* like a pony, or something!
Um. I'm letting my inner brat get carried away now, aren't I?