Day three on beta blockers

[johnpalmer]

I'm now on a low dose of beta blockers, and I'm noticing differences. Today, I tried jogging for the first time (eta) since going on beta blockers. I think I jogged hard enough to trigger my problems if they were going to trigger, so I'll have a bit more information. On the plus side, I often have an incipient headache when things go badly, and I don't.

Of course, even if they trigger, that doesn't mean the beta blockers aren't working - they might need more time, or I might need a slightly bigger dose. And if they don't trigger, it doesn't mean my problem is now and forever solved. Regardless, I'm feeling a bit more hopeful. I've noticed an effect, and it seems like the right kinds of things are changing.

ETA: Today, so far, I'm feeling workout-tired... like, hey, wow, my legs are a bit sore, and I'm a *bit* physically tired, like, well... like I'd worked out. Like I don't want to go running again today. *This* is what I've always thought of as "normal". Of course, the date stamp shows that only a bit over 2 hours has passed since I posted. There's still time for things to go south. But, again, good reason to be hopeful.

ETA-2: Now it's 5+ hours in. I am physically tired, but mostly mentally sharp. I'm able to think, without a mental fog feeling like it's hemming me in. I'm more easily frustrated (a hallmark of fog and mental tiredness) but that might be because I have to work on Memorial Day :-). This was 20 minutes of jogging (heart rate up to the previous danger zone of 150-156), a 3 minute break, and 5 more minutes of jogging - since I used the old fashioned method of jogging outside, I have no idea how fast, but I was neither pushing, nor holding back, just "jogging".

Anyway, it sounds like there's no miracle cure, but still what's *probably* a big improvement.

Comments

[acelightning.livejournal.com]

I've known people with various odd reactions - as I said, quite a few things seem to be the result of people either mis-perceiving physical reactions as emotions, or vice versa, and this phenomenon doesn't seem to be as well-known in the medical community as it ought to be. So I sort of jumped to a conclusion, which of course I'm not even vaguely qualified to do :-(

But as long as the beta blockers help, it seems you and your doctors are on the right track, and I hope it just keeps getting better from here.

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

Oh, it wasn't an unreasonable conclusion. It's just that, in my case, it finally drilled through my thick skull that I was reliably triggering emotional reactions that were like despair, the kind that people often feel when exhausted. And I know what I can handle emotion-wise - I've been having to learn to deal with more and more emotional shit for a few years now. So I could rule out emotions, because I can handle "just" emotional energy.

(I'd better - most of my shamanic work goes through emotional energies :-) .)

So, I could rule out emotions driving the mental/physical state, just because I was on the inside. And then, when I found that exercise could reliably trigger emotional "pulses" - "hey, I *felt* that happen - I just went from feeling okay to feeling close to despairing" - that clinched it for me. It had to be a physical-feedback-thingy (I believe that's a term of art :-) ). And if it was "just" an emotional reaction, well, I'd dislike it, but I'd handle it. And it wouldn't cause me to notice that, wow, I'm breathing heavier after 3 flights of stairs, rather than just barely noticing.

The stuff you were bringing up was good stuff to consider - it's just that I'd been working on the puzzle for a long time already, and hadn't bothered to mention most of the groundwork I'd already laid.

[acelightning.livejournal.com]

Not so much that you "can't handle" emotions, just that you might interpret them as something else - either taking the physical sensations that accompany emotion for some kind of physical problem, or interpreting one emotion for another. For example, I have a tendency to interpret the physical sensations of mild fear as excitemnt, and think of them as being positive. This probably explains a lot :-( There's also "hangry", and, yes, when I'm physically depleted and exhausted, it's rather hard to stay upbeat.