Did you notice that? If it bothered me, it might keep popping into my brain. If I decided that it might be a product of my "subconscious", something I might really do, it would bother me that much more! Follow that path, and you're starting to understand one of the underpinnings of OCD... the fear of thinking about something becomes self-reinforcing, because the more fear you feel, the more power you're (inadvertently) giving to the thoughts that are upsetting you.
From the perspective of someone who has OCD, this, and the rest of your post, are absolutely right on. It reminds me a little of the writings of Dr. Steven Phillipson, who in articles like this one states that the underlying key to beating compulsive thinking is to become more at home with risk and uncertainty. Instead of getting tied up in knots over whether that thought about beating someone with a banana REALLY means that's what you want to do, deep down, you need to "let the thoughts be there" and move on. (Or in more intensive behavioral therapy, specifically attempt to create more anxiety-producing thoughts and then try NOT to reassure yourself that you don't really mean them.)
no subject
From the perspective of someone who has OCD, this, and the rest of your post, are absolutely right on. It reminds me a little of the writings of Dr. Steven Phillipson, who in articles like this one states that the underlying key to beating compulsive thinking is to become more at home with risk and uncertainty. Instead of getting tied up in knots over whether that thought about beating someone with a banana REALLY means that's what you want to do, deep down, you need to "let the thoughts be there" and move on. (Or in more intensive behavioral therapy, specifically attempt to create more anxiety-producing thoughts and then try NOT to reassure yourself that you don't really mean them.)