I think that's perfectly reasonable, and also very self-aware. For years I thought I was doing/ looking for the same thing; when actually I was more focused on feeling "valued" than feeling truly safe. I thought that if people seemed to like me, and no one was ever mad at me, then I was safe. So I backed down from every confrontation, kept my opinions to myself, bent over backward to make everyone happy, and put my own needs aside for later.
It doesn't work. The dam breaks eventually.
And in the past year I have learned a lot about people that only want you for what you have to give them, and people that can only see their own visions and hear their own voices. And I have learned that to people like this, it doesn't matter much what the topic is, what the discussion was about, or if there ever was a right or wrong; they're always right, everyone else is wrong.
I've also learned a lot about communication, about speaking my own truth, about listening, and about talking about things in different ways and from different angles until everybody in the discussion feels good about the outcome; even if the outcome is to agree to disagree.
No one can be crystal clear all the time; and we all view everything we see, hear, and read through the lens of our own understanding and experience. Yet it really costs us nothing to say "Can you clarify this point for me?" or "I think what you're saying is..." And that is what makes discussions productive, lively, and fun. And that is what makes people emotionally safe, even in heated debates.
And that was a rather lengthy ramble, I hope it made some sense. *grin*
no subject
It doesn't work. The dam breaks eventually.
And in the past year I have learned a lot about people that only want you for what you have to give them, and people that can only see their own visions and hear their own voices. And I have learned that to people like this, it doesn't matter much what the topic is, what the discussion was about, or if there ever was a right or wrong; they're always right, everyone else is wrong.
I've also learned a lot about communication, about speaking my own truth, about listening, and about talking about things in different ways and from different angles until everybody in the discussion feels good about the outcome; even if the outcome is to agree to disagree.
No one can be crystal clear all the time; and we all view everything we see, hear, and read through the lens of our own understanding and experience. Yet it really costs us nothing to say "Can you clarify this point for me?" or "I think what you're saying is..." And that is what makes discussions productive, lively, and fun. And that is what makes people emotionally safe, even in heated debates.
And that was a rather lengthy ramble, I hope it made some sense. *grin*