johnpalmer: (Default)
...but my best guess is that it happened because I walked in on my neighbor spanking the monkey one day.

Look, it's not that I'm judgmental in normal circumstances, but I don't agree with those who think simians can give consent to spanking scenes, and, more importantly, I heard [Error: Irreparable invalid markup in entry. Owner must fix manually.], which roughly translates as "Banana peel" in simian. Doesn't everone recognize that as the universal safeword for simians? So I insisted that he stop, and I think he's been bitter ever since.

Did I mention that my neighbor is not my *apartment* neighbor, but is instead the being one universe over? My next-door and upstairs neighbors are fine people, and it's not my fault if my next-universe neighbor forgets to close the rip in the space-time continuum from time to time, and I walk in during otherwise private moments.

I think that it relatively cunning for him to intercept my mail orders and insert his own devilish magical objects with them.

(By "devilish", I don't want you to think I'm suggesting there's a gateway to hell on my property. I don't live in the *nice* part of Renton, after all! The gateway near my property doesn't go anywhere quite as high class as that. But there is certainly an essence of devil, with more than a bit of demon, involved.)

Anyway. I ended up with some of this,, and I didn't think much of it. Feathering wax *is* product that gets used in candlemaking, after all. But when BW3 screwed up my order, and sent a bottle of Hellfire sauce, I should have recognized that they don't actually have that as a name for their flavors... though if you try their "Blazin'" flavor, you might think they should.

When I got a package from "Newege.com", I thought it was hilarious that NewEgg (a place that sells computer parts for those who like to build their own) couldn't even spell their own name right. Alas, the name was spelled right, and I mean that literally. It was a magic store, you see.

Magical components, feathering wax, and hellfire buffalo wing sauce in the same proximity, and suddenly I'm facing a buffalo sized chicken that can fly.

Thankfully, this isn't the first time I've had to deal with dangerous chickens, so I was ready.

The battle took a long time, and, if you have a hard time finding Drumstick ice cream cones in Renton for a while, please don't blame me; if it hadn't been for the frozen foods warehouse, I wouldn't have been able to find cover from the flaming breath.

Did I mention that the chicken could breath fire? Yeah.

So the battle went on, until I was exhausted. The chicken, sensing imminent triumph, flew into the air for a dive bombing attack. And that's when it hit me. Magic. I could use magic against it.

And I did. It was simplicity itself to turn alchemically enhanced feathering wax back to its original components, and the chicken, suddenly weighted down by trees, did not so much fly, as plummet (with all appropriate apologies to Monty Python).

I'm sure, if you followed that link, you'll understand why it was so foolish for my neighbor to send such a trap against me. Of course I'd be able to turn the feathering wax back to its original components.

It is, after all, *palm* based.
johnpalmer: (Default)
...but my best guess is that it happened because I walked in on my neighbor spanking the monkey one day.

Look, it's not that I'm judgmental in normal circumstances, but I don't agree with those who think simians can give consent to spanking scenes, and, more importantly, I heard [Error: Irreparable invalid markup in entry. Owner must fix manually.], which roughly translates as "Banana peel" in simian. Doesn't everone recognize that as the universal safeword for simians? So I insisted that he stop, and I think he's been bitter ever since.

Did I mention that my neighbor is not my *apartment* neighbor, but is instead the being one universe over? My next-door and upstairs neighbors are fine people, and it's not my fault if my next-universe neighbor forgets to close the rip in the space-time continuum from time to time, and I walk in during otherwise private moments.

I think that it relatively cunning for him to intercept my mail orders and insert his own devilish magical objects with them.

(By "devilish", I don't want you to think I'm suggesting there's a gateway to hell on my property. I don't live in the *nice* part of Renton, after all! The gateway near my property doesn't go anywhere quite as high class as that. But there is certainly an essence of devil, with more than a bit of demon, involved.)

Anyway. I ended up with some of this,, and I didn't think much of it. Feathering wax *is* product that gets used in candlemaking, after all. But when BW3 screwed up my order, and sent a bottle of Hellfire sauce, I should have recognized that they don't actually have that as a name for their flavors... though if you try their "Blazin'" flavor, you might think they should.

When I got a package from "Newege.com", I thought it was hilarious that NewEgg (a place that sells computer parts for those who like to build their own) couldn't even spell their own name right. Alas, the name was spelled right, and I mean that literally. It was a magic store, you see.

Magical components, feathering wax, and hellfire buffalo wing sauce in the same proximity, and suddenly I'm facing a buffalo sized chicken that can fly.

Thankfully, this isn't the first time I've had to deal with dangerous chickens, so I was ready.

The battle took a long time, and, if you have a hard time finding Drumstick ice cream cones in Renton for a while, please don't blame me; if it hadn't been for the frozen foods warehouse, I wouldn't have been able to find cover from the flaming breath.

Did I mention that the chicken could breath fire? Yeah.

So the battle went on, until I was exhausted. The chicken, sensing imminent triumph, flew into the air for a dive bombing attack. And that's when it hit me. Magic. I could use magic against it.

And I did. It was simplicity itself to turn alchemically enhanced feathering wax back to its original components, and the chicken, suddenly weighted down by trees, did not so much fly, as plummet (with all appropriate apologies to Monty Python).

I'm sure, if you followed that link, you'll understand why it was so foolish for my neighbor to send such a trap against me. Of course I'd be able to turn the feathering wax back to its original components.

It is, after all, *palm* based.
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